Page 2 of 3

Re: No longer belong here ..

Posted: 09 Dec 2013, 00:44
by Ann
I'd really like to hear about your next steps and hope you'll stay here.

Re: No longer belong here ..

Posted: 09 Dec 2013, 03:42
by conflicted testimony
Thanks for your perspective everyone. I'll admit I was thinking quite selfishly and not thinking about contributing to others!

It's interesting that I no longer consider myself "LDS"! I was filling in a form today for enrolment to a new school for son and I was unsure what to put for religion. I ended up putting Christian. It made it just a bit more real.

We are still doing prayers of thanks for the food and for our family, and still using the LDS prayer format, mostly because we don't know any other way. I am ok with that. I have also still done personal prayers.

Saturday we have lunch with DH's active member family. I have decided to not participate in any church based discussion, if they arise.

Coming up to christmas is quite busy, so I don't expect to have too much time to do too much, but after Christmas I will be looking for more volunteering assignments outside the church. I am a stay-at-home-mum and find I need to be out there making a contribution to society, I will be able to spread myself further afield than church activities now.

Re: No longer belong here ..

Posted: 09 Dec 2013, 04:14
by QuestionAbound
May I suggest something?
If you've built friendships through meeting people at church, there should be no reason that you cannot continue those friendships outside of the church building.
If you genuinely want to help your friends, then do it! :)
Remember that the Savior has asked us to love others and one way we can show that love is by helping others when there is a need.
It sounds like the church organization has provided a way for you to meet some really great people - what a blessing.
I think you can step away from the church organization, but still be active in your social circle. If you like the ward's potlucks, why not go to a few now and then? You could think of it as merely social play (which is what it is).
Remember, too, that the church organization is just that...a way to organize people and activities. If you want to get together with your friends each Friday night, then why not join in on an already planned activity?

:)

I can honestly say that I am always befuddled when someone steps away from church activity and cuts off their friends at the same time. I have had a few of my friends step back from church activity...and they stopped talking to everyone. It was painful for me and those who were close to them. Not because they stopped coming to church (I don't care what they do on Sundays), but because it felt like they threw away our friendships.

Please do hold on to those friends who bring you peace. You'll not regret keeping friends. :)

Re: No longer belong here ..

Posted: 09 Dec 2013, 04:32
by DarkJedi
Good point QA. When I was a TBM literally all of my friends were LDS. I lost some of them by their choice when I stopped going to church, and there are various reasons for that. However, my true friends that happen to be LDS are still my friends. I do seek service opportunities outside the church, but I will also participate in church service activities. Church people did not suddenly become the enemy simply because we believe differently.

Re: No longer belong here ..

Posted: 09 Dec 2013, 06:00
by nibbler
QuestionAbound wrote:I can honestly say that I am always befuddled when someone steps away from church activity and cuts off their friends at the same time. I have had a few of my friends step back from church activity...and they stopped talking to everyone. It was painful for me and those who were close to them. Not because they stopped coming to church (I don't care what they do on Sundays), but because it felt like they threw away our friendships.
I bet some of that is them wanting to avoid what they see as an inevitable conversation/confrontation. Why did you stop coming to church? What's wrong? etc. Whether their friends would do that is beside the point, what matters is how the person wanting to leave perceives the situation.

The culture can also play a role in this. I've seen people get the third degree when they decided to leave, treated as if something were wrong with them, assumed to be sinners, and made into projects. That's one of the reasons I liked Uchtdorf's talk, it addressed the issue head on... but if someone is in that culture and decides to leave I can see how they might feel like cutting all ties is the path of least resistance. They don't want to be subject to a process that they've seen.
conflicted testimony wrote:The members of the church have been really lovely with messages saying the door is always open and that they will pray for us. No one has unfriended me on Facebook and I still conversations with a few.
That's good to hear. I just mention that stuff above because I'm sure that there are at least some in that boat.

Re: No longer belong here ..

Posted: 09 Dec 2013, 13:04
by Sheldon
conflicted testimony wrote:Physically, not much has changed other than we now have weekends free and an extra night through the week that was for Youth.
You also get a 10% raise!

Re:

Posted: 09 Dec 2013, 22:21
by Heber13
ihhi wrote:I appreciate this thread. I have pretty much given up on the church this past year and haven't visited this discussion board much since as I didn't feel like I belonged, even though I previously enjoyed it.

I decided to pop back in tonight and this thread was just what I needed.

Sent from my SGH-I747M using Tapatalk
Glad you stopped back by and contributed!!

ihhi, how have your been feeling the past year? Are there anythings you miss from the church?

Re: No longer belong here ..

Posted: 14 Dec 2013, 20:43
by Thoreau
Please stay, you still have much to contribute.

Re: No longer belong here ..

Posted: 17 Dec 2013, 11:57
by Shawn
I wish the best for you!
conflicted testimony wrote:I am considering dropping off the Ward Facebook page as notification of events are leaving me a little sad. I really did enjoy the Christmas pageants, pot luck dinners, Friday night ladies dinner, etc. I also hover over the keyboard to say yes for volunteering assignments (eg camp cook/supervisor!) but know I should not do those. I will still offer to help individual members, at least until I don't feel welcome anymore! I hope friendships will hold enough so that doesn't happen.
There are people in my neighborhood who never attend church meetings but come to some of the activities. They are welcomed warmly as neighbors. I have an awesome neighborhood and I hope your neighbors would also be cool with you. Heck, why not go to Christmas parties and pot lucks to hang out with neighbors and friends if you enjoy them?

Re: No longer belong here ..

Posted: 17 Dec 2013, 13:19
by SamBee
Shawn wrote:I wish the best for you!
conflicted testimony wrote:I am considering dropping off the Ward Facebook page as notification of events are leaving me a little sad. I really did enjoy the Christmas pageants, pot luck dinners, Friday night ladies dinner, etc. I also hover over the keyboard to say yes for volunteering assignments (eg camp cook/supervisor!) but know I should not do those. I will still offer to help individual members, at least until I don't feel welcome anymore! I hope friendships will hold enough so that doesn't happen.
There are people in my neighborhood who never attend church meetings but come to some of the activities. They are welcomed warmly as neighbors. I have an awesome neighborhood and I hope your neighbors would also be cool with you. Heck, why not go to Christmas parties and pot lucks to hang out with neighbors and friends if you enjoy them?
We have that here as well. No one bullies them, thank goodness.