No longer belong here ..

Public forum for those seeking support for their experience in the LDS Church.
Ann
Posts: 2573
Joined: 09 Sep 2012, 02:17

Re: No longer belong here ..

Post by Ann » 09 Dec 2013, 00:44

I'd really like to hear about your next steps and hope you'll stay here.
"Preachers err by trying to talk people into belief; better they reveal the radiance of their own discovery." - Joseph Campbell

"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes." - Marcel Proust

"Therefore they said unto him, How were thine eyes opened? He answered and said unto them, A man that is called Jesus made clay, and anointed my eyes...." - John 9:10-11

conflicted testimony
Posts: 46
Joined: 05 Aug 2013, 15:34

Re: No longer belong here ..

Post by conflicted testimony » 09 Dec 2013, 03:42

Thanks for your perspective everyone. I'll admit I was thinking quite selfishly and not thinking about contributing to others!

It's interesting that I no longer consider myself "LDS"! I was filling in a form today for enrolment to a new school for son and I was unsure what to put for religion. I ended up putting Christian. It made it just a bit more real.

We are still doing prayers of thanks for the food and for our family, and still using the LDS prayer format, mostly because we don't know any other way. I am ok with that. I have also still done personal prayers.

Saturday we have lunch with DH's active member family. I have decided to not participate in any church based discussion, if they arise.

Coming up to christmas is quite busy, so I don't expect to have too much time to do too much, but after Christmas I will be looking for more volunteering assignments outside the church. I am a stay-at-home-mum and find I need to be out there making a contribution to society, I will be able to spread myself further afield than church activities now.

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QuestionAbound
Posts: 248
Joined: 13 May 2013, 17:57

Re: No longer belong here ..

Post by QuestionAbound » 09 Dec 2013, 04:14

May I suggest something?
If you've built friendships through meeting people at church, there should be no reason that you cannot continue those friendships outside of the church building.
If you genuinely want to help your friends, then do it! :)
Remember that the Savior has asked us to love others and one way we can show that love is by helping others when there is a need.
It sounds like the church organization has provided a way for you to meet some really great people - what a blessing.
I think you can step away from the church organization, but still be active in your social circle. If you like the ward's potlucks, why not go to a few now and then? You could think of it as merely social play (which is what it is).
Remember, too, that the church organization is just that...a way to organize people and activities. If you want to get together with your friends each Friday night, then why not join in on an already planned activity?

:)

I can honestly say that I am always befuddled when someone steps away from church activity and cuts off their friends at the same time. I have had a few of my friends step back from church activity...and they stopped talking to everyone. It was painful for me and those who were close to them. Not because they stopped coming to church (I don't care what they do on Sundays), but because it felt like they threw away our friendships.

Please do hold on to those friends who bring you peace. You'll not regret keeping friends. :)

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DarkJedi
Posts: 6741
Joined: 24 Aug 2013, 20:53

Re: No longer belong here ..

Post by DarkJedi » 09 Dec 2013, 04:32

Good point QA. When I was a TBM literally all of my friends were LDS. I lost some of them by their choice when I stopped going to church, and there are various reasons for that. However, my true friends that happen to be LDS are still my friends. I do seek service opportunities outside the church, but I will also participate in church service activities. Church people did not suddenly become the enemy simply because we believe differently.
In the absence of knowledge or faith there is always hope.

Once there was a gentile...who came before Hillel. He said "Convert me on the condition that you teach me the whole Torah while I stand on one foot." Hillel converted him, saying: That which is despicable to you, do not do to your fellow, this is the whole Torah, and the rest is commentary, go and learn it."

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nibbler
Posts: 4151
Joined: 14 Nov 2013, 07:34
Location: Ten miles west of the exact centre of the universe

Re: No longer belong here ..

Post by nibbler » 09 Dec 2013, 06:00

QuestionAbound wrote:I can honestly say that I am always befuddled when someone steps away from church activity and cuts off their friends at the same time. I have had a few of my friends step back from church activity...and they stopped talking to everyone. It was painful for me and those who were close to them. Not because they stopped coming to church (I don't care what they do on Sundays), but because it felt like they threw away our friendships.
I bet some of that is them wanting to avoid what they see as an inevitable conversation/confrontation. Why did you stop coming to church? What's wrong? etc. Whether their friends would do that is beside the point, what matters is how the person wanting to leave perceives the situation.

The culture can also play a role in this. I've seen people get the third degree when they decided to leave, treated as if something were wrong with them, assumed to be sinners, and made into projects. That's one of the reasons I liked Uchtdorf's talk, it addressed the issue head on... but if someone is in that culture and decides to leave I can see how they might feel like cutting all ties is the path of least resistance. They don't want to be subject to a process that they've seen.
conflicted testimony wrote:The members of the church have been really lovely with messages saying the door is always open and that they will pray for us. No one has unfriended me on Facebook and I still conversations with a few.
That's good to hear. I just mention that stuff above because I'm sure that there are at least some in that boat.

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Sheldon
Posts: 448
Joined: 14 Aug 2013, 13:44

Re: No longer belong here ..

Post by Sheldon » 09 Dec 2013, 13:04

conflicted testimony wrote:Physically, not much has changed other than we now have weekends free and an extra night through the week that was for Youth.
You also get a 10% raise!

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Heber13
Posts: 7145
Joined: 22 Apr 2009, 16:37
Location: In the Middle

Re:

Post by Heber13 » 09 Dec 2013, 22:21

ihhi wrote:I appreciate this thread. I have pretty much given up on the church this past year and haven't visited this discussion board much since as I didn't feel like I belonged, even though I previously enjoyed it.

I decided to pop back in tonight and this thread was just what I needed.

Sent from my SGH-I747M using Tapatalk
Glad you stopped back by and contributed!!

ihhi, how have your been feeling the past year? Are there anythings you miss from the church?
Luke: "Why didn't you tell me? You told me Vader betrayed and murdered my father."
Obi-Wan: "Your father... was seduced by the dark side of the Force. He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and became Darth Vader. When that happened, the good man who was your father was destroyed. So what I told you was true... from a certain point of view."
Luke: "A certain point of view?"
Obi-Wan: "Luke, you're going to find that many of the truths we cling to...depend greatly on our point of view."

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Thoreau
Posts: 264
Joined: 12 Apr 2011, 16:51

Re: No longer belong here ..

Post by Thoreau » 14 Dec 2013, 20:43

Please stay, you still have much to contribute.
“If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.” Henry David Thoreau

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Shawn
Posts: 707
Joined: 07 Jun 2012, 14:22
Location: Utah

Re: No longer belong here ..

Post by Shawn » 17 Dec 2013, 11:57

I wish the best for you!
conflicted testimony wrote:I am considering dropping off the Ward Facebook page as notification of events are leaving me a little sad. I really did enjoy the Christmas pageants, pot luck dinners, Friday night ladies dinner, etc. I also hover over the keyboard to say yes for volunteering assignments (eg camp cook/supervisor!) but know I should not do those. I will still offer to help individual members, at least until I don't feel welcome anymore! I hope friendships will hold enough so that doesn't happen.
There are people in my neighborhood who never attend church meetings but come to some of the activities. They are welcomed warmly as neighbors. I have an awesome neighborhood and I hope your neighbors would also be cool with you. Heck, why not go to Christmas parties and pot lucks to hang out with neighbors and friends if you enjoy them?

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SamBee
Posts: 5413
Joined: 14 Mar 2010, 04:55

Re: No longer belong here ..

Post by SamBee » 17 Dec 2013, 13:19

Shawn wrote:I wish the best for you!
conflicted testimony wrote:I am considering dropping off the Ward Facebook page as notification of events are leaving me a little sad. I really did enjoy the Christmas pageants, pot luck dinners, Friday night ladies dinner, etc. I also hover over the keyboard to say yes for volunteering assignments (eg camp cook/supervisor!) but know I should not do those. I will still offer to help individual members, at least until I don't feel welcome anymore! I hope friendships will hold enough so that doesn't happen.
There are people in my neighborhood who never attend church meetings but come to some of the activities. They are welcomed warmly as neighbors. I have an awesome neighborhood and I hope your neighbors would also be cool with you. Heck, why not go to Christmas parties and pot lucks to hang out with neighbors and friends if you enjoy them?
We have that here as well. No one bullies them, thank goodness.
DASH1730 "An Area Authority...[was] asked...who...would go to the Telestial kingdom. His answer: "murderers, adulterers and a lot of surprised Mormons!"'
1ST PRES 1978 "[LDS] believe...there is truth in many religions and philosophies...good and great religious leaders... have raised the spiritual, moral, and ethical awareness of their people. When we speak of The [LDS] as the only true church...it is...authorized to administer the ordinances...by Jesus Christ... we do not mean... it is the only teacher of truth."

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