DH, Garments, In-laws, Anxiety

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Curt Sunshine
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Re: DH, Garments, In-laws, Anxiety

Post by Curt Sunshine » 26 Jul 2013, 07:50

The first time I met her, she went on and on about how lucky I was to be marrying into their righteous family and how it was so sad that my parents had divorced because I must have never been able to experience a family that reads scriptures every day, prays together, goes to the temple, and how my family won't be an eternal family.


/FULL BODY SHUDDER
I see through my glass, darkly - as I play my saxophone in harmony with the other instruments in God's orchestra. (h/t Elder Joseph Wirthlin)

Even if people view many things differently, the core Gospel principles (LOVE; belief in the unseen but hoped; self-reflective change; symbolic cleansing; striving to recognize the will of the divine; never giving up) are universal.

"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong." H. L. Mencken

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MayB
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Re: DH, Garments, In-laws, Anxiety

Post by MayB » 26 Jul 2013, 12:55

Ray Degraw wrote:
The first time I met her, she went on and on about how lucky I was to be marrying into their righteous family and how it was so sad that my parents had divorced because I must have never been able to experience a family that reads scriptures every day, prays together, goes to the temple, and how my family won't be an eternal family.


/FULL BODY SHUDDER
Yep. That about sums it up Ray. There are plenty more examples like that too. And my FIL can be just as bad. Early in our marriage we were having issues with a former girlfriend of DH's trying very hard to split us up claiming she had a revelation that he was her eternal companion and father of her children. In the middle of this, FIL decides to lecture me on how I need to be accepting and loving of her because she will likely be my sister-wife in the eternities and very possibly in this life because polygamy is an eternal principle and could be brought back at any time. He told me that I needed to be okay with sharing my husband. :wtf: Yeah, that didn't go over with me very well.

It's these kinds of things that I don't want my children to experience with my in-laws.
MayB

Ann
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Re: DH, Garments, In-laws, Anxiety

Post by Ann » 26 Jul 2013, 13:03

MayB wrote:
Ray Degraw wrote:
The first time I met her, she went on and on about how lucky I was to be marrying into their righteous family and how it was so sad that my parents had divorced because I must have never been able to experience a family that reads scriptures every day, prays together, goes to the temple, and how my family won't be an eternal family.


/FULL BODY SHUDDER
Yep. That about sums it up Ray. There are plenty more examples like that too. And my FIL can be just as bad. Early in our marriage we were having issues with a former girlfriend of DH's trying very hard to split us up claiming she had a revelation that he was her eternal companion and father of her children. In the middle of this, FIL decides to lecture me on how I need to be accepting and loving of her because she will likely be my sister-wife in the eternities and very possibly in this life because polygamy is an eternal principle and could be brought back at any time. He told me that I needed to be okay with sharing my husband. :wtf: Yeah, that didn't go over with me very well.

It's these kinds of things that I don't want my children to experience with my in-laws.
/GROUP FULL BODY SHUDDER

THAT IS TWISTED.
"Preachers err by trying to talk people into belief; better they reveal the radiance of their own discovery." - Joseph Campbell

"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes." - Marcel Proust

"Therefore they said unto him, How were thine eyes opened? He answered and said unto them, A man that is called Jesus made clay, and anointed my eyes...." - John 9:10-11

Roy
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Re: DH, Garments, In-laws, Anxiety

Post by Roy » 26 Jul 2013, 14:25

MayB wrote:And my FIL can be just as bad. Early in our marriage we were having issues with a former girlfriend of DH's trying very hard to split us up claiming she had a revelation that he was her eternal companion and father of her children. In the middle of this, FIL decides to lecture me on how I need to be accepting and loving of her because she will likely be my sister-wife in the eternities and very possibly in this life because polygamy is an eternal principle and could be brought back at any time. He told me that I needed to be okay with sharing my husband. Yeah, that didn't go over with me very well.
:o I literally had my mouth open as I read this. I think you just won the prize for worst in-laws. Congratulations...kinda... :oops:
"It is not so much the pain and suffering of life which crushes the individual as it is its meaninglessness and hopelessness." C. A. Elwood

“It is not the function of religion to answer all the questions about God’s moral government of the universe, but to give one courage, through faith, to go on in the face of questions he never finds the answer to in his present status.” TPC: Harold B. Lee 223

"I struggle now with establishing my faith that God may always be there, but may not always need to intervene" Heber13

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Heber13
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Re: DH, Garments, In-laws, Anxiety

Post by Heber13 » 26 Jul 2013, 14:49

polygamy is an eternal principle and could be brought back at any time. He told me that I needed to be okay with sharing my husband.
:shock:

I can only imagine all of the come-backs you must have thought of over the years you wished you could have said to him.

"Uh, if you can start giving us all your money, to help prepare for living the law of consecration. It is an eternal principle, you know."

or

"OK, and we should start preparing for MIL to be with Thomas S Monson. Polyandry is part of that law too, right?"

Ay-yi-yi.

Stage 3 Gaffes. Someone should write a book on those!
Luke: "Why didn't you tell me? You told me Vader betrayed and murdered my father."
Obi-Wan: "Your father... was seduced by the dark side of the Force. He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and became Darth Vader. When that happened, the good man who was your father was destroyed. So what I told you was true... from a certain point of view."
Luke: "A certain point of view?"
Obi-Wan: "Luke, you're going to find that many of the truths we cling to...depend greatly on our point of view."

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hawkgrrrl
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Re: DH, Garments, In-laws, Anxiety

Post by hawkgrrrl » 26 Jul 2013, 22:37

Wow. Your inlaws are nutballs.

Ann:
Sometimes I can't wear them; sometimes I can't not wear them.
I love how you put this, and I fully agree. I also love your advice to engage the grandparents in sharing their own stories vs. trying to dictate others' lives. It's a better way to engage them, IMO.

I have ZERO tolerance for anyone who has not served a mission telling someone else that they have to serve one. That's all I'm going to say about that one. I think you can explain to MIL that you appreciate their generosity in setting aside money for a mission, but you find with your kids that using guilt or pressure to get them to do what you want usually backfires, and you'd rather let them make their own minds up through the great examples they see. That seems like a reasonable request. You're the parent.

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opentofreedom
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Re: DH, Garments, In-laws, Anxiety

Post by opentofreedom » 27 Jul 2013, 09:14

I agree about the GROUP ALL BODY SHUDDER! HOLY COW!
MayB,
The thing I find THE MOST ASTONISHING about all of this is that they are totally missing the ENTIRE point of what the "GOSPEL" is trying to teach... by a LANDSLIDE. How is living the church in the way they are living it really helping to have an eternal family if 2 of their children wont even have anything to do with them? Sometimes the "logic" in this church makes me want to run away screaming!!
I can only see this because I am pretty sure at one point I was heading down that path that I could have no empathy for people who didn't live and see the church as I did. I am SO grateful that I am having this faith transition.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE your communication with your husband and children! Thank you for your amazing example of balance and open communication. You must have some serious thick skin to still have any relationship with your In-laws and serious self awareness to to who you really are! I admire it so much. Keep up the great work.

:clap:
Namaste: the divine light in me honors the divine light in you.

“Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted.”
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

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MayB
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Re: DH, Garments, In-laws, Anxiety

Post by MayB » 27 Jul 2013, 11:06

hawkgrrrl wrote: I think you can explain to MIL that you appreciate their generosity in setting aside money for a mission, but you find with your kids that using guilt or pressure to get them to do what you want usually backfires, and you'd rather let them make their own minds up through the great examples they see. That seems like a reasonable request. You're the parent.
This is a great way to put it hawkgrrrl. Thank you. I think I'll use it and see if it helps. Even though DH and I are the parents, they usually seem to think they know best because they are DH's parents and have "successfully" raised 5 kids.
opentofreedom wrote:The thing I find THE MOST ASTONISHING about all of this is that they are totally missing the ENTIRE point of what the "GOSPEL" is trying to teach... by a LANDSLIDE. How is living the church in the way they are living it really helping to have an eternal family if 2 of their children wont even have anything to do with them? Sometimes the "logic" in this church makes me want to run away screaming!!
I can only see this because I am pretty sure at one point I was heading down that path that I could have no empathy for people who didn't live and see the church as I did. I am SO grateful that I am having this faith transition.
Yes, they are missing the whole point and what really bothers me is that they don't see how it has been their actions/words that have alienated their 2 kids from them and they don't see what they are missing out on.
MayB

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mackay11
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DH, Garments, In-laws, Anxiety

Post by mackay11 » 28 Jul 2013, 14:40

Ray Degraw wrote:
The first time I met her, she went on and on about how lucky I was to be marrying into their righteous family and how it was so sad that my parents had divorced because I must have never been able to experience a family that reads scriptures every day, prays together, goes to the temple, and how my family won't be an eternal family.


/FULL BODY SHUDDER
+1

May, the fact you maintain any relationship at all with these people is impressive. I salute you!

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Origami
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DH, Garments, In-laws, Anxiety

Post by Origami » 28 Jul 2013, 15:23

MayB you could be married to one of my brothers. Your situation is also my reality with uber-TBM parents.

My mother loves me, but is still disappointed after 2 decades that I chose not to serve a mission (at the time she would have rather I died than not serve, she thought/thinks she failed with me) My kids each get personal subscriptions to the Friend or New Era from them as gifts for Christmas. The family gets General Conference DVDs. We throw them away. Every family function turns into a church guilt trip (Mom's speciality and Dad humors her). I have had years to develop an immunity to it, but my kids haven't. My wife and I try hard to never do that to our kids and to debrief or redirect them when it happens.

Needless to say, we don't have a great relationship, it is superficial and forced at best. My wife and I are baffled by and tired of it. Really not my idea of an eternal family relationship, it is pathetic and sad and one we are trying hard to avoid in our own family.

My parents are good people in many ways, but so bigoted and judgmental in others. It will likely kill my mother when she finally knows about the level of my disaffection from the church.

Strange that total devotion to the church can produce such extremes of good and bad behaviors at the same time in people. Seems wrong, doesn't it?

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