Feeling I Can't Go On

Public forum for those seeking support for their experience in the LDS Church.
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Shawn
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Joined: 07 Jun 2012, 14:22
Location: Utah

Feeling I Can't Go On

Post by Shawn » 11 Mar 2013, 15:22

I am feeling that I can’t go on like this much longer. I am so preoccupied with this “faith crisis” (I put that in quotations because I’m not sure what to call it) and my family is suffering for it. It’s negatively affecting my work and leisure time. I need some peace.

I recently listened to the “John Dehlin and Faith Reconstruction” podcast (which was actually the very first podcast I ever listened to) and it made me more cognizant of my situation. Maybe I feel some of what like John must have felt during the time of which he said “I was emotionally detached from my wife and kids. I was playing the role; I was doing my duty as a husband and a father, but I was checked out emotionally and I was checked out spiritually.”

I don’t want to do this anymore. John said “I’ve been in a dark place in my soul for probably 20 years.” I definitely don’t want this to go on for that long!

But can I just make it stop? I don’t think so. I have learned that I can take a break from it, though. But then I think I can’t leave any rock unturned because I will be haunted in the future if I don’t deal with it all now.

I want to tell my wife, but I am afraid. That sucks, I guess. Last summer did open up a bit to her and said “With all the stuff Brigham Young said, there is no way he could have been a prophet. And the Church changes according to the trends of the world – it is just 20 or so years behind. Why can’t the Gospel be simpler? Why does all that crap get in the way?” I voiced some other concerns (I can’t’ really remember it all), and she was upset and crying. She thought I was looking for a way out of the church. She doesn’t get it, which is odd because she has learned a lot of historical issues.

I will leave this without tying up loose ends because that is where I am in life.

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SamBee
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Re: Feeling I Can't Go On

Post by SamBee » 11 Mar 2013, 17:02

Okay, I'm going to flip this round.

What do you like and agree with in the church?
DASH1730 "An Area Authority...[was] asked...who...would go to the Telestial kingdom. His answer: "murderers, adulterers and a lot of surprised Mormons!"'
1ST PRES 1978 "[LDS] believe...there is truth in many religions and philosophies...good and great religious leaders... have raised the spiritual, moral, and ethical awareness of their people. When we speak of The [LDS] as the only true church...it is...authorized to administer the ordinances...by Jesus Christ... we do not mean... it is the only teacher of truth."

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Shawn
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Joined: 07 Jun 2012, 14:22
Location: Utah

Re: Feeling I Can't Go On

Post by Shawn » 11 Mar 2013, 17:16

I like a lot about the church. I am not saying I can't go on in the church. I am saying I can't keep going in this faith crisis. I'm sorry for not not being very clear :smile:

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Ilovechrist77
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Joined: 08 Nov 2011, 21:42

Re: Feeling I Can't Go On

Post by Ilovechrist77 » 11 Mar 2013, 17:29

Well, Shawn, I truly feel for you. Even after having my faith reconstruction, I'm still trying to figure things out. Even with the simple teachings of faith, repentance, baptism, and the Holy Ghost, we all realize there are many things we just don't know about with those things. And although when we learn as we know more about those things, we realize there are more things we don't know about them. For instance, I used think that General Conference talks and Ensign articles were considered Mormon doctrine. They're not. They're general counsel. What's in our standard works is Mormon doctrine. What's in General Conference and the Ensign is to help us live the doctrine. Well, anyway, I will pray for you and your family. As I mentioned before, I'm still trying to figure things out. I don't think that'll ever end. I have faith you will get through it.

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SamBee
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Re: Feeling I Can't Go On

Post by SamBee » 11 Mar 2013, 18:02

Shawn wrote:I like a lot about the church. I am not saying I can't go on in the church. I am saying I can't keep going in this faith crisis. I'm sorry for not not being very clear :smile:
That's okay, I understood that. Personally, I've used that technique, i.e. go back to what I like. Not only does it help me steer around what I have trouble with, it reminds me why I stay. Some of the bad stuff becomes irrelevant.

I don't think we discuss BY enough here. I don't see him as prophet like JS, I see him as an organizer, a leader, a politician, things that JS failed at sometimes. He made some dreadful choices, we know that, but he also helped the church stabilize and survive. He created an entire state, rather than a BOM.

I understand your frustration, you've reached an impasse. I've been there. Do you do anything artistic? Art and music can help, in very deep and unexplainable ways.

Anyway we'll talk more later.
DASH1730 "An Area Authority...[was] asked...who...would go to the Telestial kingdom. His answer: "murderers, adulterers and a lot of surprised Mormons!"'
1ST PRES 1978 "[LDS] believe...there is truth in many religions and philosophies...good and great religious leaders... have raised the spiritual, moral, and ethical awareness of their people. When we speak of The [LDS] as the only true church...it is...authorized to administer the ordinances...by Jesus Christ... we do not mean... it is the only teacher of truth."

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Orson
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Re: Feeling I Can't Go On

Post by Orson » 11 Mar 2013, 18:09

I'm sorry you are having a hard time of it right now, I wish we could do more to help.
Shawn wrote:Why can’t the Gospel be simpler? Why does all that crap get in the way?
At least "The Gospel" is a little simpler than the church, and it may help to focus on that for a while. I know it's not easy, unfortunately life is just hard much of the time. I think the difficulty is why "life" fills its divine purpose, the hotter the fire the stronger the steel...

But no it is not easy, hang in there. Best wishes.
My avatar - both physical and spiritual.

I first found faith, and thought I had all truth. I then discovered doubt, and claimed a more accurate truth. Now I’ve greeted paradox and a deeper truth than I have ever known.

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mackay11
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Feeling I Can't Go On

Post by mackay11 » 11 Mar 2013, 19:48

Shawn, I totally know what you mean. It's so consuming and I feel so stuck in the middle. Sometimes my 'middle way' feels more 'muddled way.'

Some weeks I'm flying and think it will be fine. Other weeks I crash and wonder how I'm going to keep seeing the positives.

I've no solutions for you. I agree with SamBee that focusing on the positives is a good coping mechanism. But it's a circle that seems to be shrinking.

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mom3
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Re: Feeling I Can't Go On

Post by mom3 » 11 Mar 2013, 20:15

Shawn I too add my sympathy and empathy. This experience is a stunner to me. At times more of an avalanche. I really don't have any direct suggestions, but I do find that if I find something else to immerse myself in, I get some relief. Sometimes it's a new book. If I really like it I can get caught up in it and let the crisis have a rest. It allows me another topic to talk to people about that helps keep conversations off church stuff, too.

I've read your posts during happier times and I hope you find that Shawn soon.
Good luck - and I'm sorry. I totally get it.
"I stayed because it was God and Jesus Christ that I wanted to follow and be like, not individual human beings." Chieko Okazaki Dialogue interview

"I am coming to envision a new persona for the Church as humble followers of Jesus Christ....Joseph and his early followers came forth with lots of triumphalist rhetoric, but I think we need a new voice, one of humility, friendship and service. We should teach people to believe in God because it will soften their hearts and make them more willing to serve." - Richard Bushman

Curt Sunshine
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Re: Feeling I Can't Go On

Post by Curt Sunshine » 11 Mar 2013, 21:23

I've read your posts during happier times and I hope you find that Shawn soon.


Amen.
I see through my glass, darkly - as I play my saxophone in harmony with the other instruments in God's orchestra. (h/t Elder Joseph Wirthlin)

Even if people view many things differently, the core Gospel principles (LOVE; belief in the unseen but hoped; self-reflective change; symbolic cleansing; striving to recognize the will of the divine; never giving up) are universal.

"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong." H. L. Mencken

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Shawn
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Joined: 07 Jun 2012, 14:22
Location: Utah

Re: Feeling I Can't Go On

Post by Shawn » 12 Mar 2013, 12:15

Ilovechrist77 wrote:Well, Shawn, I truly feel for you. Even after having my faith reconstruction, I'm still trying to figure things out. Even with the simple teachings of faith, repentance, baptism, and the Holy Ghost, we all realize there are many things we just don't know about with those things. And although when we learn as we know more about those things, we realize there are more things we don't know about them....
Thanks for the support. When I said that stuff about Brother Brigham, my wife actually told me the Gospel is simple. Like you say, there is still much to learn about the basics, though.

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