I so don't fit in!

Public forum for those seeking support for their experience in the LDS Church.
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hawkgrrrl
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Re: I so don't fit in!

Post by hawkgrrrl » 18 May 2011, 00:05

Katspur - I used to enjoy a feature in Mad Magazine called "Snappy Comebacks to Stupid Questions." Your post reminded me of that! Here are some thoughts around each of your experiences:
1. Shortly after it was announced that Osama bin Laden had been killed, the hostesses were talking about the events of the prior days. One of them said that an American who was also a Muslim officiated in the brief service that was held before he was buried at sea. One of the hostesses said, "Yeah, it was probably Obama." I wanted to say, "You should be ashamed of yourself." Instead, I said nothing.
"You must have been hired here before they raised the IQ requirement."
2. After Jon Huntsman Jr. was interviewed recently and was less committal than Romney about his current activity in the Church, one of the hostesses said, "Huntsman can't even decide whether he's a Mormon or not." I wanted to say, "He's my kind of Mormon." Instead, I said, "He probably just doesn't want it to become the issue it's been with Romney."
I think your comeback was actually probably spot on. Not sure what Huntsman meant, but he's certainly not falling into the political trap his distant cousin has.
3. We're supposed to start each "tour" by taking visitors over to the large mural that fills one entire wall of the Church Office Building lobby. It's the Harry Anderson picture of Christ with His eleven Apostles on the lower slope of the Mount of Olives, telling them to go and preach His gospel throughout the world. A couple of hostesses have made quite a big deal of the "fact" that His foot supposedly "follows you" as you walk from one end of the mural to the other. They say they always point this out to visitors. I wanted to say, "I don't see His foot moving any more than I can see a picture of the Virgin Mary crying in the trunk of a tree or Jesus' face in a piece of toast." Instead, I said, "Well, it's either an optical illusion (which I don't believe it is) or it's magic (which I don't believe it is). That's not something I mention to people since I don't see it as important in the slightest."
I think you should make up your own fake optical illusion, like one of the apostle's eyes is always looking at the bosom of female patrons.
4. One hostess went on and on to me about her son who had been either a bishop or stake president for the last ten years. She concluded by saying, "There is no greater blessing than having good children." I wanted to say, "Really? I wouldn't know." Instead, I said nothing.
You could have said, "Oh, does your son have good children? Not your typical bishop's kids, I guess!"
5. I got called on the carpet the first week for supposedly not wearing nylons. I actually was wearing them, but they were the "toeless" kind that most women don't even know they can buy. I wanted to say, "You should count yourself lucky that there is one women on your shift that doesn't dress like she's 20 years older than she actually is." Instead, I hiked up my dress to show her that my garments were in fact under a pair of nylons.
You could suggest that they install the new TSA screening devices to ensure everyone is wearing nylons and garments. Or you could ask to see hers now that you showed her yours and explain "I thought that was the game we were playing."
6. One divorced hostess had recently moved to a new apartment. She said she liked the actual apartment but couldn't stand the management. (Her reasons were absurd in my opinion.) I asked her if she planned on staying where she was or moving somewhere else. She said she didn't know for sure yet, because the Lord hadn't told her yet where He wanted her. I wanted to say, "He's never really cared a whole lot where I choose to live. I wonder why." Instead, I said nothing.
You should tell her, "The Lord probably did tell you, but he sent the letter to your new address. You'll have to figure out where that is to get it."

Seriously, though, people are not that smart, but it's also easy to paint with a broad brush on these things. There are also many mormons who don't need the second "m" removed. :)

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bridget_night
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Re: I so don't fit in!

Post by bridget_night » 18 May 2011, 04:29

Katspur,

My heart really goes out to you. Those kind of comments would really bother me too. I used to hear dumb comments like that from other missionaries when I was on my mission. Stuff like, Elders testifying at the door of some Austrian lady who rejected them and then saying, "Well, she had her chance."

A few years back I took my Danish friend who was visiting in Salt Lake through the Conference center to look at the Arnold Frieburg paintings and others. The hostess who was taking us through knew so little about church history. My Danish friend told her he was a new convert that had really studied church history before joining the church and asked her if she knew there were other versions of the First Vision where JS said he only saw the Father and not the Son. She had no clue. This same Danish friend asked a Danish sister missionary and her companion who had over for dinner if they knew about JS's other wives. One of the sisters was shocked and said she had no clue JS had any other wives besides Emma.

Basically, you are dealing with the lds culture and ignorance and all you can do is say in your head, "Father, Forgive them for they know not what they do." It would serve no good purpose with smart comebacks. But, Jesus always answered a question with a question and tried to show people the error of their thinking, so maybe you will be inspired to do that from time to time.

And don't worry about 'fitting in', Jesus did not 'fit in' either and so you are in good company. The quote you gave that actually irrated me the most is the one on 'good children," I would have been very tempted to say, "You know, my greatest blessing has come from my gay son. Because of him I have been able to love and minister to so many of God's precious gay children and I have changed and grown the most from. How has having 'good children' made you grow and build your character?"

For now, visualize a Donut with a hole in it. You can either look at the hole and what's missing with your fellow workers or focus on the donut and the good about each person. That is how I have survived living in my marriage at times.

God bless, Bridget

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canadiangirl
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Re: I so don't fit in!

Post by canadiangirl » 18 May 2011, 12:53

Just walking around my little town yesterday afternoon, I was met with all sorts of little events like the ones you've described. It's funny, but now instead of getting all worked up (Oh I still get worked up but ....) I seem to talk myself down a bit and try to understand where the people are coming from. It seems that most people are not "blessed" with this "trial". You will always have a good place vent here. And doesn't it feel great to know that there are others out there who feel similarly. Compassion and love are our biggest lessons to learn as we walk this journey. AND BOY DO WE GET LOTS OF CHANCES TO PRACTICE!!

You could also try xanax. (I'm joking only a little.... :lol: )

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SilentDawning
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Re: I so don't fit in!

Post by SilentDawning » 18 May 2011, 14:11

5. I got called on the carpet the first week for supposedly not wearing nylons. I actually was wearing them, but they were the "toeless" kind that most women don't even know they can buy. I wanted to say, "You should count yourself lucky that there is one women on your shift that doesn't dress like she's 20 years older than she actually is." Instead, I hiked up my dress to show her that my garments were in fact under a pair of nylons.
This would really bug me. I don't really like comments about appearance at all. My solution is to dress and act in ways that don't raise any objections. I detest having to do that, but it pre-empts the situation from ever occurring.
One divorced hostess had recently moved to a new apartment. She said she liked the actual apartment but couldn't stand the management. (Her reasons were absurd in my opinion.) I asked her if she planned on staying where she was or moving somewhere else. She said she didn't know for sure yet, because the Lord hadn't told her yet where He wanted her. I wanted to say, "He's never really cared a whole lot where I choose to live. I wonder why." Instead, I said nothing.
For this one, I'd try some reframing. Reframing is where you put your own interpretation and spin on the words of someone else. In this case, I might say "She still hasn't made up her mind", or "It sound like you're still thinking about it", or something that gets it out of the annoying "God tells me what to eat for breakfast mentality". I use reframing a lot these days, and it does wonders in conversation.
"It doesn't have to be about the Church (church) all the time!" -- SD

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."

A man asked Jesus "do all roads lead to you?" Jesus responds,”most roads don’t lead anywhere, but I will travel any road to find you.” Adapted from The Shack, William Young

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HiJolly
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Re: I so don't fit in!

Post by HiJolly » 18 May 2011, 15:14

(nevermind...)


HiJolly
Last edited by HiJolly on 18 May 2011, 21:51, edited 1 time in total.
Men are not moved by events but by their interpretations.
-- The Stoic Epictetus

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PiperAlpha
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Re: I so don't fit in!

Post by PiperAlpha » 18 May 2011, 16:18

hawkgrrrl wrote:I think you should make up your own fake optical illusion, like one of the apostle's eyes is always looking at the bosom of female patrons.
:lol: :lol: Ding, ding, ding. We have a winner! That is seriously hilarious. :clap:
“As individually and collectively we increase our knowledge, acceptance, and application of gospel principles, we become less dependent on Church programs. Our lives become gospel centered.”
Elder Ronald E. Poelman, General Conference Oct 1984

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SilentDawning
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Re: I so don't fit in!

Post by SilentDawning » 18 May 2011, 17:31

PiperAlpha wrote:
hawkgrrrl wrote:I think you should make up your own fake optical illusion, like one of the apostle's eyes is always looking at the bosom of female patrons.
:lol: :lol: Ding, ding, ding. We have a winner! That is seriously hilarious. :clap:
And perhaps the face morphs into Arnold Schwarzenegger as the eyes wander.

Love it Hawkgrrl.... :clap: :clap: :clap:
"It doesn't have to be about the Church (church) all the time!" -- SD

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."

A man asked Jesus "do all roads lead to you?" Jesus responds,”most roads don’t lead anywhere, but I will travel any road to find you.” Adapted from The Shack, William Young

clahcrah
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Re: I so don't fit in!

Post by clahcrah » 19 May 2011, 07:14

Keep posting the best comments here so we can all get a good laugh, or cry, whichever the case may be.

clahcrah
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Re: I so don't fit in!

Post by clahcrah » 19 May 2011, 07:21

...and if you ever really need out, just quit wearing nylons and get kicked out! ; )

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Katzpur
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Re: I so don't fit in!

Post by Katzpur » 19 May 2011, 11:21

I liked your comebacks, hawkgrrrl, especially this one:
hawkgrrrl wrote:You could suggest that they install the new TSA screening devices to ensure everyone is wearing nylons and garments. Or you could ask to see hers now that you showed her yours and explain "I thought that was the game we were playing."
Obviously, I couldn't get aware with using most of them. What's hard for me is knowing whether I should speak up or keep quiet. Either way I end up feeling like I made the wrong choice. Sometimes I want to say how I feel (hopefully without coming across as overly sarcastic). I want to get the point across that we Mormons are not all exactly alike and that I am not ashamed to see things differently than some other Mormon does. We can still all believe in the fundamentals of the same gospel without being clones of one another. That doesn't make one of us a "good" Mormon and one of us a "bad" Mormon. At other times, I am outspoken about how I feel and end up regretting it. Afterwards, I end up telling myself that it's really not necessary for me to make my opinions known on everything. I appreciate the humorous replies and knowing that I can vent here without being "called to repentence," but I could also use some serious advice about what kind of comebacks would actually put people in their place without alienating them. I'm going to need to spend eight hours a week with these women for the next three years. I need some coping skills that will accomplish what I want to accomplish. I feel like a doormat when I say nothing, because my silence implies agreement, but I am not anxious to have people hate me either.
"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." ~Rudyard Kipling ~

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