My Marriage as a Metaphor for My Church

Public forum for those seeking support for their experience in the LDS Church.
FuzzBall
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Joined: 15 Oct 2012, 21:40

Re: My Marriage as a Metaphor for My Church

Post by FuzzBall » 18 Oct 2012, 00:14

i hope by being new i am not breaking a bump rule....but i just to reply and say this was beautiful. truly it was.

as someone that from what i can gather is in the heat of "stage 4"(never had a name for what i was going through but that one thread around here seems to call it stage 4 so ill go with that) and quite frankly getting buried by i guess what we could call sand. there seem to be a few unchangeable unmoveable bricks that they are piled on top of and those bricks tell me Christ is in fact real and the gospel is found somewhere in this pile of bricks and sand known as the church and i do know i need to stick it out and reintegrate back into church....but again the sand of stage 4 is brutal. its sort of becoming all consuming at this point....but this was such an elegant way of putting it really is unreal. it helps me see that i should deal with this sand because from it came the bricks that i hold so dearly. that somehow i could not have one without the other....i suppose i had been trying to find that possibility but this post struck such a cord that i really see that is not possible though i am sure on some level i always knew that but i cant be sure considering stage 4 has drastically altered my worldview.

i will be saving this post.

i also want to say this is truly a great metaphor for my own family....like any family they are a brick with much sand....i have however taken much effort to try and expel that brick of my family from my life and failed. this thinking helps me realize i could not no matter what i cannot expel the bricks the church has given me much like i cannot expel the bricks created by my family and trust me i have tried to expel those. Good God i have tried.

perhaps with this line of thinking i can get out of the hell known as stage 4 and move to hopefully a much calmer stage 5. and perhaps with that reintegrate back into church as my attendance has been dropping drastically this year and ive barely gone in the past 4 or 5 months. and perhaps finally come to terms with the sand in the church and look for the bricks instead. bricks i suppose being good core gospel principles and the people and what we can do for each other at least theoretically.

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ihhi
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Joined: 14 Nov 2012, 20:34

Re: My Marriage as a Metaphor for My Church

Post by ihhi » 22 Feb 2013, 00:39

Great analogy, and as such it deserves a bump.

As long as I can find bricks, I will try to ignore the sand.

Curt Sunshine
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Re: My Marriage as a Metaphor for My Church

Post by Curt Sunshine » 14 Jun 2014, 19:23

another bump, simply because I thought about this post again for some reason
I see through my glass, darkly - as I play my saxophone in harmony with the other instruments in God's orchestra. (h/t Elder Joseph Wirthlin)

Even if people view many things differently, the core Gospel principles (LOVE; belief in the unseen but hoped; self-reflective change; symbolic cleansing; striving to recognize the will of the divine; never giving up) are universal.

"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong." H. L. Mencken

Bear
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Joined: 30 Jul 2012, 08:04

Re: My Marriage as a Metaphor for My Church

Post by Bear » 15 Jun 2014, 00:18

Thanks ray. You always make great, well balanced and loving posts. Thanks for being here. You make a difference.


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nibbler
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Joined: 14 Nov 2013, 07:34
Location: Ten miles west of the exact centre of the universe

Re: My Marriage as a Metaphor for My Church

Post by nibbler » 15 Jun 2014, 14:57

Saw the bump. I attended a Marriage and Family Relations class during SS and in addition to looking for ways to improve my relationship with DW I also spent a considerable amount of time thinking about the presented material in how it related to my relationship with the church. It made the class extremely interesting. Here's the manual:

http://www.lds.org/manual/marriage-and- ... ors-manual

For instance, one thing that got brought up in class was that we should have 5 positive communications for every one negative communication. I thought that was apt in many ways with my changed relationship with the church. My FC steered me toward finding the negative but I needed to spend more time searching for and reinforcing the positive.
Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven.
― Jesus

intothelight
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Joined: 26 Oct 2013, 23:56

Re: My Marriage as a Metaphor for My Church

Post by intothelight » 21 Jun 2014, 16:19

Such a great post. Reminds me of one video by Holland where he said, "Assume the good, and doubt the bad." How Do I Love Thee I think it was called. Or perhaps in this case as Ray has already said, "Focus on the bricks, ignore the sand". I'm not especially active in the church right now - but that being said, I should follow Ray's advice more and treat the church as I would treat another person - forgiving it's faults and praising it's virtues. For me though, that idea has to exist within the goal of life - which is to draw you to Christ and help you be more like Him. I honestly don't believe the mormon church is the best method for everyone. For me, it probably is - as much as it hurts sometimes. And maybe one day I'll be more active again. Good thing we've got a few hundred billion years in the afterlife to figure it all out. :)

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SunbeltRed
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Re: My Marriage as a Metaphor for My Church

Post by SunbeltRed » 25 Jun 2014, 13:39

Ray,

Loved this. How I currently feel as well.

-SunbeltRed

Curt Sunshine
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Re: My Marriage as a Metaphor for My Church

Post by Curt Sunshine » 27 Jun 2014, 17:24

Thanks, everyone.

I just want to make one small, but important, clarification (at least to me):

I don't "ignore" the sand. Frankly, it is impossible for to do so, since it is an integral part of our shared life. I simply accept it, overlook it and focus on the bricks.

That might sound like a silly quibble (and it actually might be), but it's not like I put the sand on a shelf to be re-visited every once in a while - or pretend it doesn't exist - or any other description that might be called ignoring it. I see it, but I choose, intentionally and consciously, not to emphasize or focus on it. I simply accept that it exists and, in a way, embrace it.
I see through my glass, darkly - as I play my saxophone in harmony with the other instruments in God's orchestra. (h/t Elder Joseph Wirthlin)

Even if people view many things differently, the core Gospel principles (LOVE; belief in the unseen but hoped; self-reflective change; symbolic cleansing; striving to recognize the will of the divine; never giving up) are universal.

"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong." H. L. Mencken

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SilentDawning
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Re: My Marriage as a Metaphor for My Church

Post by SilentDawning » 16 Dec 2014, 15:42

Ray -- I have a lot in common with you on this one. I have a similar challenge. In fact, when my marriage was having difficulty at one point (we were both ready to leave), we did an emotional needs questionnaire offered by www.marriagebuilders.com. The author of a needs-based approach to a happy marriage, Willard Harley Junior, believes that happy marriages occur when spouses meet each others' most important emotional needs. He trains spouses to meet each others' emotional needs, and his theory/practice makes a lot of sense.

In the questionnaire, one of my top needs (THE top) was "domestic support". And that means housekeeping. I would say that lack of support in this area was the number one cause of my unhappiness in our marriage. And,, with my other top two needs unmet, after longer periods of time, caused me huge amounts of angst, withdrawal from the marriage (emotionally) etcetera. I suppose I have dealt with it by not "caring" about it -- letting it go, but in the process have become a real messie in my home myself. Just can't bring myself to clean up.

Anyway, not to digress -- are you saying you really don't have a need for domestic support? How do you do the gymnastics that make you happy in your marriage, in spite of living in a messy circumstance? Hopefully this isn't too personal, but Harley would say that spouses who meet emotional needs are like paramedics who bring air to suffocating people, and without the needs being met, the lack of air leads to death of the relationship....
"It doesn't have to be about the Church (church) all the time!" -- SD

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."

A man asked Jesus "do all roads lead to you?" Jesus responds,”most roads don’t lead anywhere, but I will travel any road to find you.” Adapted from The Shack, William Young

Curt Sunshine
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Re: My Marriage as a Metaphor for My Church

Post by Curt Sunshine » 16 Dec 2014, 18:24

A clean house is not at the top of my need list. It is an irritant, but it's not a deal breaker.

We meet each other's biggest needs, so the irritants are manageable. They are manageable, however, only because we choose consciously to recognize their place on the hierarchy of needs.
I see through my glass, darkly - as I play my saxophone in harmony with the other instruments in God's orchestra. (h/t Elder Joseph Wirthlin)

Even if people view many things differently, the core Gospel principles (LOVE; belief in the unseen but hoped; self-reflective change; symbolic cleansing; striving to recognize the will of the divine; never giving up) are universal.

"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong." H. L. Mencken

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