Potential predator in primary

Public forum for those seeking support for their experience in the LDS Church.
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DarkJedi
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Re: Potential predator in primary

Post by DarkJedi » 02 Aug 2019, 09:19

Mordimor wrote:
02 Aug 2019, 00:10
I get not wanting to offend but in the end, if I do offend and it keeps my kids safe, then I’ll gladly do it a million times.
The safety of your children (and other people's children) trumps any potential offense a million times over. Boundaries are important ("Good fences make good neighbors").
In the absence of knowledge or faith there is always hope.

Once there was a gentile...who came before Hillel. He said "Convert me on the condition that you teach me the whole Torah while I stand on one foot." Hillel converted him, saying: That which is despicable to you, do not do to your fellow, this is the whole Torah, and the rest is commentary, go and learn it."

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Curt Sunshine
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Re: Potential predator in primary

Post by Curt Sunshine » 02 Aug 2019, 17:05

I want to believe there is a valid reason for your Bishop to ask you not to mention it to them (something he knows that mitigates the concern but that he can't share). I really do. Even if that is true, however, you don't know it - so you still have to follow what you perceive to be a potential danger and protect your kids in a reasonable manner.
I see through my glass, darkly - as I play my saxophone in harmony with the other instruments in God's orchestra. (h/t Elder Joseph Wirthlin)

Even if people view many things differently, the core Gospel principles (LOVE; belief in the unseen but hoped; self-reflective change; symbolic cleansing; striving to recognize the will of the divine; never giving up) are universal.

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SamBee
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Re: Potential predator in primary

Post by SamBee » 04 Aug 2019, 03:46

Mordimor wrote:
02 Aug 2019, 00:10
Thank you all for responding. As far as your suggestions
1. Yes I checked the sex offender registry.
2. I have been thinking about skipping second hour. This will probably be a real thing here soon.
3. I have already set boundaries with my kids. We have very frank and open conversations about bodies and appropriate touch. This started long ago. We also have set new boundaries about gifts, even food for primary.
4. I have talked with my bishop. I hate going in for anything. It’s not something that I’m really comfortable with, so I reached out to someone I was comfortable with.
5. I was asked specifically not to broach the subject with them from my bishop. (Which I am not super keen on that advice)
6. My kids are not allowed to wander the halls alone.

I get not wanting to offend but in the end, if I do offend and it keeps my kids safe, then I’ll gladly do it a million times.

Thank you all for responding.
These are all sensible. But if you confront them speak in general terms and explain your rules apply to everyone but close family IMHO. Don't get too personal.
DASH1730 "An Area Authority...[was] asked...who...would go to the Telestial kingdom. His answer: "murderers, adulterers and a lot of surprised Mormons!"'
1ST PRES 1978 "[LDS] believe...there is truth in many religions and philosophies...good and great religious leaders... have raised the spiritual, moral, and ethical awareness of their people. When we speak of The [LDS] as the only true church...it is...authorized to administer the ordinances...by Jesus Christ... we do not mean... it is the only teacher of truth."

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DarkJedi
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Re: Potential predator in primary

Post by DarkJedi » 04 Aug 2019, 05:10

Mordimor wrote:
02 Aug 2019, 00:10
I have been thinking about skipping second hour. This will probably be a real thing here soon.
Depending on your ward and leadership this will likely send a message and get their attention. Then when you're asked why you're skipping you have the forum to express your concern and since you're being asked it will likely go back to the ward council.
In the absence of knowledge or faith there is always hope.

Once there was a gentile...who came before Hillel. He said "Convert me on the condition that you teach me the whole Torah while I stand on one foot." Hillel converted him, saying: That which is despicable to you, do not do to your fellow, this is the whole Torah, and the rest is commentary, go and learn it."

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Roy
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Joined: 07 Oct 2010, 14:16
Location: Pacific Northwest

Re: Potential predator in primary

Post by Roy » 04 Aug 2019, 17:12

Mordimor wrote:
02 Aug 2019, 00:10
I get not wanting to offend but in the end, if I do offend and it keeps my kids safe, then I’ll gladly do it a million times.
I recommend being very cautious about confronting or accusing people of something as serious as this without evidence.
The bishop is aware and theoretically the whole ward council will be on the lookout for inappropriate behavior. You have every right to set boundaries for your own children and those boundaries - once communicated - should be respected. However not everyone may feel as strongly. I might welcome my children's SS teachers taking special thought or interest in my kids. I would not be bothered by hugs or appropriate gifts.

I agree to do whatever you need to do to keep your kids safe - but also use wisdom and moderation. Would attacking someone's character and intentions make your children safer? Just something to think about.
"It is not so much the pain and suffering of life which crushes the individual as it is its meaninglessness and hopelessness." C. A. Elwood

“It is not the function of religion to answer all the questions about God’s moral government of the universe, but to give one courage, through faith, to go on in the face of questions he never finds the answer to in his present status.” TPC: Harold B. Lee 223

"I struggle now with establishing my faith that God may always be there, but may not always need to intervene" Heber13

Mordimor
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Re: Potential predator in primary

Post by Mordimor » 13 Aug 2019, 01:06

Roy,

I totally hear exactly what you are saying. Their character does matter. I haven’t said anything to anyone about this besides my husband, bishop, and rs president. It becomes hard to bite my tongue when every Sunday in which we attend they are personally handing (gifting) my children ages 4 to 10, small tokens. Candy, snacks, toys... it’s absurd.

My solution is to not go. I worry about my children the entire time they are in primary. I understand that I sound crazy and paranoid, that’s okay. I am okay with that.

I’m not running up and down the halls saying they’ve done anything. It’d be defamatory, they could use for defamation of character. But telling them to stop gifting crap to my kids totally fair game. Telling them that their interest in my kids makes me uncomfortable, yes. Those are completely acceptable and not defamations to their character.

Roy
Posts: 5606
Joined: 07 Oct 2010, 14:16
Location: Pacific Northwest

Re: Potential predator in primary

Post by Roy » 14 Aug 2019, 09:37

Mordimor wrote:
13 Aug 2019, 01:06
I’m not running up and down the halls saying they’ve done anything. It’d be defamatory, they could use for defamation of character. But telling them to stop gifting crap to my kids totally fair game. Telling them that their interest in my kids makes me uncomfortable, yes. Those are completely acceptable and not defamations to their character.
I agree 100%
"It is not so much the pain and suffering of life which crushes the individual as it is its meaninglessness and hopelessness." C. A. Elwood

“It is not the function of religion to answer all the questions about God’s moral government of the universe, but to give one courage, through faith, to go on in the face of questions he never finds the answer to in his present status.” TPC: Harold B. Lee 223

"I struggle now with establishing my faith that God may always be there, but may not always need to intervene" Heber13

Minyan Man
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Joined: 15 Sep 2011, 13:40

Re: Potential predator in primary

Post by Minyan Man » 14 Aug 2019, 16:40

Does our Church have a responsibility to investigate members who are called to teach our youth to verify if they were ever
charged with a sex crime? It seems that as an organization, we are eager for convert baptisms without really knowing an
investigator's background. In our state, it is relatively easy to go on line to see if anyone has been convicted within our
state. I'm not sure about out of state. I have seen news reports recently about the JW's and the problems their organization
is having with sexual abuse of children.

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