1) The church hasn't changed much in the last quarter decade (maybe more). Meanwhile the world has changed significantly
. The information age alone. In my opinion the church is still reacting to that event, trying to play catch up.
2) Push back. Despite our best efforts (
) we don't live in a vacuum. Judgmental comments, comments about "doubters" or inactives, comments about gender issues. They could all be push back to perceived threats or even push back to comments made by people outside the church that have been judgmental towards people inside the church. The judgmental comments we hear at church could be reactionary, comments made out of frustration because church is the one place they can retreat to where they can get that validation of their beliefs.
3) We hear the criticism now. The church isn't isolated like a Wasatch Sasquatch anymore. The information age made it harder for us to avoid the criticisms. This one is sort of a combination of 1) and 2), people are pushing back on the criticisms that they now cannot avoid hearing.
4) Now nearly every member knows someone that has left the church. Not left the church by passively letting their practice slip, but actively making a decision to leave the church. I think lots of orthodox members have become defensive about that. I think this one has had a profound effect and when we plug people like that into our formulas for how we believe the universe operates we have to come up with ways that they must have been deficient.
Sorry, I don't think my comments are particularly helpful. Just my attempts at coming up with a formula to explain things. In the spiritual realm and the realm of human nature you can pretty much toss formulas out the window. There's no predicting.
I will mourn with those that mourn though. For at least the last five years I've felt like our lessons at church have contained too many elements of what you describe. There's always good and bad elements to any lesson but sometimes the scales tip too far in the negative direction and that has been my struggle. What's negative to me, the we're number one and judging others stuff, is often presented as something positive at church and standing against those things is seen as negative. It's wearing.