Collateral Damage

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Re: Collateral Damage

Post by DarkJedi » 22 Apr 2019, 10:15

Roy wrote:
22 Apr 2019, 09:29
AmyJ wrote:
19 Apr 2019, 04:57
How does the dynamic change when it is close family members/friends (if it changes)?
I think you are asking what about when it is someone close to you that seems uncomfortable with your changing of the script. This can be hard because parts of your relationship with that person may have been built upon shared experiences, shared feelings, and shared goals. I believe that this means that you redraw the boundaries in that area. You may even need to not talk about church - which can be hard when church is the entire world for some people.

Specifically in regards to a spouse, it is important to me that my spouse respects me. This would mean that I cannot much stomach my spouse believing that I am deceived, or going through a phase, or am somehow too lazy for the gospel requirmenents. I need an understanding that my religious feelings are honest, well thought out, and hard won. Ideally, I would like for my spouse to say to others something like "Roy and I don't agree on everything but I understand where he is coming from and how he got there. He is a good man with a good heart who is still fighting to define his faith. I believe that God honors that struggle." Those specific words may be an unattainable pipe dream but the sentiment remains. If the church and I were at odds, then I need my spouse to at least refuse to pick sides against me.

I feel that DW and I have arrived at a pretty good place in this regard. It took time to prove myself. I had to prove that I was not going to go off the deep end and give myself over to all sorts of debauchery and shirking of my responsibilities without the authority of the church to keep me in line.
I think along with this goes something I learned fairly early on here - we need to remember it's us that changed, not our spouse/loved one. Our change can be traumatic for them as well, just in a different way. Our change is not what they thought they signed up for.
In the absence of knowledge or faith there is always hope.

Once there was a gentile...who came before Hillel. He said "Convert me on the condition that you teach me the whole Torah while I stand on one foot." Hillel converted him, saying: That which is despicable to you, do not do to your fellow, this is the whole Torah, and the rest is commentary, go and learn it."

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