Sunday Afternoon

For the discussion of spirituality -- from LDS and non-LDS sources
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AmyJ
Posts: 871
Joined: 27 Jul 2017, 05:50

Sunday Afternoon

Post by AmyJ » 05 Nov 2018, 06:53

There has been a lot of tension in my house because of choices made by my 8.95 year old daughter and the consequences of those choices (yes I am aware I get about 10+ more years of this). It has not been helped by my husband getting sick this weekend and last weekend (also a long-term thing).

One of my main concerns has been/is the perception conflict evolving in my daughter's brain - does she have innate worth based on who she is, or is her worth calculated on what she does and doesn't do? OK, I may be over-thinking her brain, and missing a few unicorns or rainbows in the equation, but she had made some choices that are not acceptable to us, and she asks me if she can "still turn around even though she is almost 9 now". I have been there - the black and white "I'm Perfect vs I'm Nothing" battle I fought specifically when I was a teenager, and probably started the internal fight when I was about 8-10 years old. NOTE: Mostly I was on the "I'm Perfect" side - can't you see my smug teacher's pet perfection" that was a lot to put up with, I am sure.

I took my daughters to hang out in their bedroom for a while. I had a pounding headache (due to some unwise choices I made - nothing dire, just absentminded and unwise) - so I could not deal with my oldest's constant chatter. I put on some Britt Nicole music to drown out the chatter/distract my daughter because a) I like her music, b) it was keeping the "letter of the law" for Sabbath observance, c) I figured that her musical style might catch my daughter's attention and d) if my daughter grew up loving Britt Nicole songs - there are worse habits in life to develop. What I didn't realize was how self-empowering (Christian point of view - having faith empowers people to do great things because God is with them) her music is - especially the song "Gold". And during specific songs, my daughter tuned in - I saw it.

I have no idea if it will mean anything, and I don't want to label it as inspiration (but it might have been - I don't know). I believe God exists. I am pretty sure that all statements given on the nature of God have some amount of truth - in part because that is what the person needs to perceive God as. I am pretty sure that there are not absolute definitive statements about God that are 100% the truth - because the concept of God gets filtered through humanity.

I put aside my doubts to expose my daughter to music that is likely to foster a relationship with God and hopefully improve her first stage of life. If she believes that God is on her side, I believe she will be kinder to herself in ways that she doesn't understand.

In the battlefield of life, I wanted to celebrate a potential small skirmish victory with my friends.

Roy
Posts: 5520
Joined: 07 Oct 2010, 14:16
Location: Pacific Northwest

Re: Sunday Afternoon

Post by Roy » 05 Nov 2018, 09:22

I believe that there is some fear that unless we fully endorse the LDS church's largely works based theology that our children will end up as lazy bums or even worse as drug addicted, teenage pregnant, drop-outs.

Over the weekend my 12 year old daughter was left home alone for several hours. She had earned 1 hour of screen time. When we returned home we found that she had consumed multiple hours of screen time, had gone on YouTube (which is not allowed), and had eaten in the living room!!! :evil: Anyway, I spoke to DD and let her know that we know what had been done. Also that she is still a really good kid that does a lot of good at school and in our family. I told her that in the grand scheme of things these types of offenses are small potatoes. But still, house rules are house rules and there will be appropriate consequences.

I just want the kids to become happy, well adjusted, and contributing adults. Doing the best I know how and making up half of it as I go along. :thumbup:
"It is not so much the pain and suffering of life which crushes the individual as it is its meaninglessness and hopelessness." C. A. Elwood

“It is not the function of religion to answer all the questions about God’s moral government of the universe, but to give one courage, through faith, to go on in the face of questions he never finds the answer to in his present status.” TPC: Harold B. Lee 223

"I struggle now with establishing my faith that God may always be there, but may not always need to intervene" Heber13

AmyJ
Posts: 871
Joined: 27 Jul 2017, 05:50

Re: Sunday Afternoon

Post by AmyJ » 05 Nov 2018, 09:44

Roy wrote:
05 Nov 2018, 09:22
I believe that there is some fear that unless we fully endorse the LDS church's largely works based theology that our children will end up as lazy bums or even worse as drug addicted, teenage pregnant, drop-outs.
The fear is real without the church involved. Kids with ADHD (especially un-diagnosed/monitored) are more likely to end up on drugs (self-medicating for their brain in part), and have higher rates of teenage pregnancy, divorce, and drop-outs. A higher percentage of jail inmates would qualify for an ADHD description. Add the cute detail of Occupational Defiant Disorder (rebellion against authority on steroids in part because it stimulates the brain), and we signed up for a dozy of a situation.

This doesn't even counter the social impact of ASD - where having an inherited social group who puts up with you as you grow into yourself is invaluable because you can't built it very well yourself (been there, done that, designed the t-shirt for sale advertising that fact).
Roy wrote:
05 Nov 2018, 09:22
Over the weekend my 12 year old daughter was left home alone for several hours. She had earned 1 hour of screen time. When we returned home we found that she had consumed multiple hours of screen time, had gone on YouTube (which is not allowed), and had eaten in the living room!!! :evil: Anyway, I spoke to DD and let her know that we know what had been done. Also that she is still a really good kid that does a lot of good at school and in our family. I told her that in the grand scheme of things these types of offenses are small potatoes. But still, house rules are house rules and there will be appropriate consequences.

I just want the kids to become happy, well adjusted, and contributing adults. Doing the best I know how and making up half of it as I go along. :thumbup:
I will settle for not permanently emotionally damaged, not pregnant out of wedlock, not addicted to drugs or alcohol and being able to hold down a job and/or serious education is my baseline.
For the past 2 years I have told her, "Books before Boys, because Boys bring Babies." I point out that I did not upgrade my education as much as I could have - especially after marrying her dad. And that she came along 3 years after... She laughs at me and rolls her eyes - but last time she included "Building Rockets at the same times as Books" - so maybe she gets the idea?

Roy
Posts: 5520
Joined: 07 Oct 2010, 14:16
Location: Pacific Northwest

Re: Sunday Afternoon

Post by Roy » 06 Nov 2018, 08:52

AmyJ wrote:
05 Nov 2018, 09:44
"Books before Boys, because Boys bring Babies."
That is awesome! :lol:
"It is not so much the pain and suffering of life which crushes the individual as it is its meaninglessness and hopelessness." C. A. Elwood

“It is not the function of religion to answer all the questions about God’s moral government of the universe, but to give one courage, through faith, to go on in the face of questions he never finds the answer to in his present status.” TPC: Harold B. Lee 223

"I struggle now with establishing my faith that God may always be there, but may not always need to intervene" Heber13

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