Redesigning the Marriage Ceremony

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dande48
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Redesigning the Marriage Ceremony

Post by dande48 » 25 Apr 2018, 10:32

I just received an email from an organization I follow, "The School of Life", which is largely an Atheist organization, but one with kind attitudes towards religion, who strive to help the more secular among us live and die well. Recently, they have redesigned the marriage ceremony, and released a YouTube video covering the details. It was very beautiful, and made me tear up at a point or two (I don't cry often). It was enlightening to see a ceremony built solely around starting off on the right foot, with the right perspective. It is the sort of wedding part of me wishes I could've had.

I am interested to hear what you think.
Last edited by dande48 on 28 Apr 2018, 08:11, edited 1 time in total.
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SamBee
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Re: Redesigning the Marriage Ceremony

Post by SamBee » 25 Apr 2018, 13:18

I'm not keen on the School of Life - I prefer the similarly named Academy of Ideas which I recommend checking out. School of Life is mostly Alain de Boton's (or however it's spelled) mouthpiece and isn't even-handed especially in regard to religion.
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SilentDawning
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Re: Redesigning the Marriage Ceremony

Post by SilentDawning » 25 Apr 2018, 13:56

I watched it, but it didnt' really affect me. I think a successful marriage can often be encouraged by following the principles at marriagebuilders.com built on emotional needs. The ceremony really isn't all that significant to me anymore -- it's whether the people who have come together meet each others' emotional needs without having to change who they are too much. This requires spending a lot of time together. The ceremony -- it's more for the family and to create a "moment" that signifies the legal and relationship journey has begun as a married couple., for the couple.

The format isn't critical in my view....
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DarkJedi
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Re: Redesigning the Marriage Ceremony

Post by DarkJedi » 25 Apr 2018, 14:50

Meh. I'm not big into pomp and circumstance or ritual anyway, and to me this seemed more like a "these are good ideas, let's tie them into the ritual" thing. I would actually like it more if these ideals were expressed by the temple sealer in his (hopefully) little blurb before the ritual itself. Or even go bigger and have it be part of prenuptial classes prior to the wedding itself (like some other churches do).
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Beefster
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Re: Redesigning the Marriage Ceremony

Post by Beefster » 25 Apr 2018, 17:55

I thought this was a really cool ceremony.

Then again, I don't really have anything to compare it to. I've only ever been to receptions.
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dande48
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Re: Redesigning the Marriage Ceremony

Post by dande48 » 26 Apr 2018, 05:51

I strongly believe it's not good enough just to have good ideas. What counts is remembering those good ideas. Humans are easily distracted and easily bored. Take Marriage Builders for example (BTW, thanks for sharing SD). I look a moment to look over their site, which I am sure is full of wonderful ideas for building a happy marriage. But I don't remember any of them. Their site layout was a mess, and their teaching format was poor. It just didn't work for me.

Back in grade school, Bill Nye was better able to teach science than my teachers ever could. The kids would cheer, whenever Bill Nye was brought out on our tube TVs. He knew how to captivate and entertain, and he was always presented as a rare treat for a special occasion. That's what made him the better teacher. I was also impressed during my stint in China to discover they have a holiday, the Mid-Autumn Festival, where everyone eats rice cakes, sips tea, and reads poems dedicated to the moon. In America, we might know it's a "good idea" to take the time to notice and appreciate the beauty of the moon. But how many of us actually do it?

Don't get me wrong, most parts of a wedding are "just too much" and way too overpriced. I don't think it's wise to start a life together by blowing 7-figures in a big celebration. There are many approaches to making a "good idea" memorable, and I understand a ritualistic wedding ceremony might not be an effective teacher for everyone. What it does give us is an out-of-the-ordinary experience, meant to cement in ourselves some very important ideas, in hopes of retaining them throughout our life. While there are many positive ideas reinforced in the temple ceremony, I think there is a lot missing. And the blurb given by the temple sealer is rarely thought out well, and hardly ever remembered. Do you remember what your sealer said, beyond the ceremony? I certainly don't.
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Re: Redesigning the Marriage Ceremony

Post by AmyJ » 26 Apr 2018, 06:38

dande48 wrote:
26 Apr 2018, 05:51
Don't get me wrong, most parts of a wedding are "just too much" and way too overpriced. I don't think it's wise to start a life together by blowing 7-figures in a big celebration. There are many approaches to making a "good idea" memorable, and I understand a ritualistic wedding ceremony might not be an effective teacher for everyone. What it does give us is an out-of-the-ordinary experience, meant to cement in ourselves some very important ideas, in hopes of retaining them throughout our life. While there are many positive ideas reinforced in the temple ceremony, I think there is a lot missing. And the blurb given by the temple sealer is rarely thought out well, and hardly ever remembered. Do you remember what your sealer said, beyond the ceremony? I certainly don't.
I remember being really unhappy with my husband-to-be for leaving the marriage license at home when he drove in ahead of his parents. I had calmed down some sitting in the sealing room for the 30 minutes or so while his parents hurried up and drove in with the paperwork. I also made HUGE NOTES TO SELF NEVER to allow my husband to be solely responsible for important paperwork - either I need to keep tabs of it, or double and triple check he has it with us. This has been a useful protocol in my life.

There were parts of the sealing that went well, but I feel most of the personal "sealing" points of my married life happened independent of the church.

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Re: Redesigning the Marriage Ceremony

Post by Roy » 26 Apr 2018, 08:57

AmyJ wrote:
26 Apr 2018, 06:38
either I need to keep tabs of it, or double and triple check he has it with us.
Ha! I was assigned to bring the wedding license. Other than showing up it seemed like my only responsibility on the big day. My DW to be reminded me MANY times not to forget it. It did not seem to make sense to me. If everyone is so worried that I might forget it then why not have someone else bring it.

Also, my dad and I were a few minutes late because we could not figure out how to enter the SLC temple (Turns out that the front doors are just decorative and you enter through a side building with a passageway). My MIL kept asking DW if she was sure I was coming. :evil: Not Helpful! :evil:
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Re: Redesigning the Marriage Ceremony

Post by AmyJ » 26 Apr 2018, 09:19

Roy wrote:
26 Apr 2018, 08:57
AmyJ wrote:
26 Apr 2018, 06:38
either I need to keep tabs of it, or double and triple check he has it with us.
Ha! I was assigned to bring the wedding license. Other than showing up it seemed like my only responsibility on the big day. My DW to be reminded me MANY times not to forget it. It did not seem to make sense to me. If everyone is so worried that I might forget it then why not have someone else bring it.

Also, my dad and I were a few minutes late because we could not figure out how to enter the SLC temple (Turns out that the front doors are just decorative and you enter through a side building with a passageway). My MIL kept asking DW if she was sure I was coming. :evil: Not Helpful! :evil:
Very Funny. I didn't remind DH to bring it because I figured a) it was the MOST IMPORTANT part of the legal aspect of the ceremony so would be not forgettable, and b) wouldn't his parents remind him after raising him and also being worried about it going well...

He still thinks it worked out and wasn't a big deal. I still think the whole day was a comedy of errors and may bribe my children to elope with just the parents and a few important guests attending...Actually, I will tell my children that I want them marry civilly first and then do a temple sealing later if they want it. Too much stress on one day to handle both the getting married and getting sealed at the same time...

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Re: Redesigning the Marriage Ceremony

Post by nibbler » 26 Apr 2018, 10:34

You guys are dredging up lots of memories, specifically because:
dande48 wrote:
26 Apr 2018, 05:51
What it does give us is an out-of-the-ordinary experience, meant to cement in ourselves some very important ideas, in hopes of retaining them throughout our life.
I remember specifics of the day I was sealed because it was a day like no other. In fact that's the utility I find in ordinances. Things that help us remember, something to set things apart from being some other forgettable, routine day.

I've got massive hangups with being on time. If I show up 15 minutes early I did well by sitting at home twiddling my thumbs for a while because usually I'd get there 30-45 minutes early. I don't hold other people to my crazy standard of being on time, it's just something that's hardwired in me - obsess about the time of day. I've mellowed over the years.

Anyway. Fast forward to the day of my sealing. I leave the hotel with my family (they traveled 5 hours just so they could wait outside :shock:, solidarity), the morning of, as we're all headed to the temple we walk out to the car... and the car is completely covered in bird poo. I mean covered. We had parked under the only tree in the parking lot and apparently that particular tree was the go-to place for birds to have their bowels moved with compassion.

My family is insisting that we get the car washed before we head to the temple and I'm worried that we'll be late. I want us to skip the car washing. I get overruled. We take the car to a car wash and we're still able to show up about 10 minutes before the appointed time... so of course I believe we're already too late. ;)

And drum roll... soon to be DW nowhere to be found. Time passes, lots of time, still no DW. I was like Roy's MIL, wondering whether I was sure that she was coming. The temple people were like Roy's MIL.

DW finally emerges. She was in the temple cafeteria with her family the whole time, "losing track of time." :evil: :evil: :evil: Opposites attract.

So there you go. Two ordinances helped solidify the day in memory. My sealing and when we had to wash and anoint our car.

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