How Questioning Strengthened My Faith Instead of My Doubt

For the discussion of spirituality -- from LDS and non-LDS sources
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Re: How Questioning Strengthened My Faith Instead of My Doubt

Post by AmyJ » 15 Feb 2018, 07:56

nibbler wrote:
15 Feb 2018, 07:05
You could ask them whether they though the decision they made was a good decision or a bad decision instead of telling them it was a bad decision. That gets them reflecting on their own behaviors and how they use their agency. It helps them make judgments of their own behavior rather than always defaulting to accepting judgments others make of their behavior.

E.g. The bishop says I made a bad decision because I drank some herbal tea but I don't think it was a bad decision.

There's a time and a place for everything and there's certainly a time for clear communication, "that was a bad decision," but there are occasional moments where there's an opportunity for a child to learn for themselves through personal evaluation.

And of course you can't ask the question "Was that a good decision?" only after they do something bad. That will quickly devolve into, "I must have done something bad, otherwise they wouldn't be asking." So you might ask the question to get a child to reflect on the good choices they make as well. We can learn from our mistakes and successes. Good and bad experiences are teaching moments. Etc.

But take with a grain of salt. I'm a terrible parent.
I agree with this thinking actually - but my children are not developmentally to the point where this really applies.

We do a lot of "this was a bad decision (making a snide comment, refusing to clean up a mess made by said child) and usually list out or ask her why it was a bad decision. If she was being disrespectful in her communication, we sit with her and talk about ways she could convey the same information or what she really wants us to know using better words (she may not want to clean her room - but she might have a better attitude about it if she can listen to music while doing so). I think we will be on the edge of this "defining the badness of choices for her" vs "having her define the badness of choices" for the next few years.

In family conversations I make statements like "I made this judgement call because of x,y, and z." In part so that she can learn that not all choices are bad, or maybe the options available are making the best choice available out of bad choices.

My daughter's strength and weakness is that she walks through life on words. If it is not spoken, it might as well not exist for her. So we work a lot on non-verbal meaning, tone, and cost-benefit analysis. We are trying to give her the verbal tools and scripts she will need to make decisions out in the world. For daughter #2, it might be different. The foundation may be the same (no calling them a "bad girl") - but she is already well aware of non-verbal communication (in fact, its a bit of a coin toss whether DD#2 is more non-verbally communication aware than DD#1).

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Re: How Questioning Strengthened My Faith Instead of My Doubt

Post by DancingCarrot » 02 Mar 2018, 10:07

I'm still confused as to how her faith was strengthened....that she learned that even leaders struggle? That she learned that leaders don't always have answers, at least not ones that they'll share? That she's not "bad" for being confused? I agree with Roy and dande - that she's endorsing a simplistic, pass or fail type testimony, and that there's a lot of cognitive dissonance going on. It's not that I blame her for that; I just don't think it's that interesting or new. I also think that her thoughts on homosexuality are, at best ignorant (despite her foray into a "lesbian lifestyle" - if you're a lesbian any lifestyle you live is a lesbian lifestyle, I think she used the term to describe living and socializing within the gay community) and at worst dismissive and harmful.

I also must agree with Sneelock. Just because you learn something that distresses you, it doesn't mean that the information is wrong. Conversely, just because you feel something good when hearing about something, it doesn't mean that the information is right. This article feels like lip service to me.
It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live. -Dumbledore

Roll away your stone, I'll roll away mine. Together we can see what we will find. -Mumford & Sons

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