Busy in the Beehive

For the discussion of spirituality -- from LDS and non-LDS sources
AmyJ
Posts: 627
Joined: 27 Jul 2017, 05:50

Re: Busy in the Beehive

Post by AmyJ » 17 Oct 2017, 05:49

nibbler wrote:
17 Oct 2017, 05:13
I ping high on the introvert scale plus I have social anxiety... I muscled through because the church was true and by extension the programs and it was up to me to adapt, get to a place where I enjoyed those things. Didn't work in the long run. I was blind to how aspects of my nature, the introversion and social anxiety, factored into the overall church experience.
When I test, I can test as a very social introvert, or a very introspective extrovert. For years, I thought I had to be more social and ignored the mental/physical/emotional costs associated with that. In the last year, I have learned that I need to weigh all social activities critically, and that no one - including myself has the right to judge/look down on me saying "I should have been there because that's what we do". Yes, I will probably miss activities that would have been beneficial to me, but I no longer can assume - or let others assume - that it is truly "trading up" in terms of time and resources to automatically attend every activity.
nibbler wrote:
17 Oct 2017, 05:13
While there's always room to set goals to change aspects of our natures I reached the point where I didn't try to fight it as hard as I once did. Being more accepting of myself helped a little. I decided that there was nothing wrong with being a hermit, finding ways to feed my spiritual side in solitude... which will contradict what I'm about to say.
This.
nibbler wrote:
17 Oct 2017, 05:13
Beefster wrote:
16 Oct 2017, 20:32
If the goal is to have fun and form memories, they have succeeded.
What if that's the gospel? Fun/fond memories, forming deeper bonds with family and friends; not doctrines, dogma, or religious adherence.
Truly thought-provoking. I will mull over it and pass it on to my other half for consideration :D

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SilentDawning
Posts: 6700
Joined: 09 May 2010, 19:55

Re: Busy in the Beehive

Post by SilentDawning » 17 Oct 2017, 08:47

In my experience, the friendships there are deeply conditional on you towing the line. If you fall off the wagon, those relationships are not as deep. If you move, you lose most of them.

Keep your family relationships intact. Focus on those. Nurture friendships with people you truly have a lot in common with, without excluding people who want to be part of your circle.
"It doesn't have to be about the Church (church) all the time!" -- SD

"Stage 5 is where you no longer believe the gospel as its literally or traditionally taught. Nonetheless, you find your own way to be active and at peace within it". -- SD

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."

My introduction: viewtopic.php?f=8&t=1576

nibbler
Posts: 3589
Joined: 14 Nov 2013, 07:34
Location: Ten miles west of the exact centre of the universe

Re: Busy in the Beehive

Post by nibbler » 17 Oct 2017, 09:17

SilentDawning wrote:
17 Oct 2017, 08:47
In my experience, the friendships there are deeply conditional on you towing the line. If you fall off the wagon, those relationships are not as deep. If you move, you lose most of them.
Yeah, I've seen this as well. And here is where the busy in the beehive comes into play. Callings eat up free time. If you move to a new ward you're busy in a new calling and the people in the old wards are busy with theirs. Sometimes I think we get so caught up in callings that we forget what the work is supposed to be for. Accomplishing the task becomes the goal, not fortifying relationships. Maybe we are missing the mark in the busy work.

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LookingHard
Posts: 2812
Joined: 20 Oct 2014, 12:11

Re: Busy in the Beehive

Post by LookingHard » 17 Oct 2017, 09:22

nibbler wrote:
17 Oct 2017, 09:17
SilentDawning wrote:
17 Oct 2017, 08:47
In my experience, the friendships there are deeply conditional on you towing the line. If you fall off the wagon, those relationships are not as deep. If you move, you lose most of them.
Yeah, I've seen this as well. And here is where the busy in the beehive comes into play. Callings eat up free time. If you move to a new ward you're busy in a new calling and the people in the old wards are busy with theirs. Sometimes I think we get so caught up in callings that we forget what the work is supposed to be for. Accomplishing the task becomes the goal, not fortifying relationships. Maybe we are missing the mark in the busy work.
I was just about to say exactly what nibbler said. A few years ago our ward split (all new housing and move-ins - maybe 2 converts in 5 years that "stuck"). Many of those friends I have not seen in years. It is a shame. And as I have gotten older I treasure good friends more. A lot of my study of the mind and psychology keeps pointing to a key to happiness is good relationships. Money is nice and you need a minimum amount. Having lots of "stuff" can be fun, but it wears off (unless you are sharing it with others). I have been taking the advice of the research and I have really stopped trying to "buy" things and instead put more $ into family vacations where we just can have a great time together. I concur this is where you can find happiness.

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lotsofgray
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Joined: 13 Mar 2017, 06:47

Re: Busy in the Beehive

Post by lotsofgray » 17 Oct 2017, 18:57

I guess I find it very hard to say no and mean it to those at church who want my time or feel that I need their class or program or whatever. I think I'll find and take an assertiveness class somewhere...


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