The Crying Game

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SamBee
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The Crying Game

Post by SamBee » 08 Apr 2015, 08:36

Must admit one thing I've never understood is the need to cry on the podium, and in some cases it comes over as forced. I'm not a great weeper myself but do I need to crush the onions every time I get up to speak?
DASH1730 "An Area Authority...[was] asked...who...would go to the Telestial kingdom. His answer: "murderers, adulterers and a lot of surprised Mormons!"'
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LookingHard
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Re: The Crying Game

Post by LookingHard » 08 Apr 2015, 10:43

SamBee wrote:Must admit one thing I've never understood is the need to cry on the podium, and in some cases it comes over as forced. I'm not a great weeper myself but do I need to crush the onions every time I get up to speak?
When I get emotional I often get teary eyed. I HATE it - immensely! As a member of a bishopric I had to give a testimony once every 3 months. I hated it. I have even asked my therapist if she knew of anything that could help with that. She actually suggested getting my family Dr. to give me some kind of relaxing pill and that might help. So I have to take drugs to keep from bawling at the pulpit. Sounds so stupid.

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slowlylosingit
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Re: The Crying Game

Post by slowlylosingit » 08 Apr 2015, 11:45

LookingHard wrote:
SamBee wrote:Must admit one thing I've never understood is the need to cry on the podium, and in some cases it comes over as forced. I'm not a great weeper myself but do I need to crush the onions every time I get up to speak?
When I get emotional I often get teary eyed. I HATE it - immensely! As a member of a bishopric I had to give a testimony once every 3 months. I hated it. I have even asked my therapist if she knew of anything that could help with that. She actually suggested getting my family Dr. to give me some kind of relaxing pill and that might help. So I have to take drugs to keep from bawling at the pulpit. Sounds so stupid.
I am a sobber!!! I agree with lookingHard, I absolutely hate it, I think it must be genetic? I cannot control myself up there and have realized a lot of it is my nerves. I envy people like you SamBee!!! I find the people that stay strong and give these amazing testimonies and talks without weeping are super strong and I take them just as seriously. The crying just gets the kids to stop talking cause they wonder what is with that crazy woman up there?
"Our case was so insane, that if you made it up, nobody would believe it"--Gerald Conlon

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DarkJedi
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Re: The Crying Game

Post by DarkJedi » 08 Apr 2015, 12:29

Let me offer a word of caution on this subject. I think if we are not careful as professional teachers working in the classroom every day, we may begin to try to counterfeit the true influence of the Spirit of the Lord by unworthy and manipulative means. I get concerned when it appears that strong emotion or free-flowing tears are equated with the presence of the Spirit. Certainly the Spirit of the Lord can bring strong emotional feelings, including tears, but that outward manifestation ought not to be confused with the presence of the Spirit itself.
- Howard W. Hunter

That said, I think some people are just more emotional. I probably shouldn't say this, but I joke with my boys every time Pres. Eyring stands up to speak about how long it will take him to start crying (it averages less than two minutes on the ones I have timed). That's just the way he is, and I know others who are also that way. While I am not especially fond of it, crying neither validates or invalidates testimony to me. While I believe some like Pres. Eyring are sincere in their tears and really can't help it, I also believe there are some who purposely turn them on (perhaps building a Potemkin village?). I'm certainly not a blubberer, but I do occasionally tear up, but not to the point I'm unable to continue (I'm generally familiar enough with my talks that I can get out the gist of the words without reading them) and perhaps not even so much that audience really notices (who really pays attention to high councilors anyway?) I am far more likely to blubber during some hymns (How Great Thou Art, for instance), and while I can't sing I also try not to draw attention to myself.

So, no SamBee, you don't need to crush the onions. If it happens, it happens, so be it. If it doesn't happen to you, that's fine - I think we need to not fake it.
In the absence of knowledge or faith there is always hope.

Once there was a gentile...who came before Hillel. He said "Convert me on the condition that you teach me the whole Torah while I stand on one foot." Hillel converted him, saying: That which is despicable to you, do not do to your fellow, this is the whole Torah, and the rest is commentary, go and learn it."

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West
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Re: The Crying Game

Post by West » 08 Apr 2015, 12:30

I'm an emotional wreck, although my mood stabilizer does help a little with that. ^^

I got a little emotional while telling a personal story during my relief society lesson the other week. No tears, just a cracking voice and a lot more gestures to distract my body to keep me from crying. Am weird that way.

Some may be forced, as it were, but some of us are just leaky waterworks.
Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid. -Albert Einstein

And God said 'Love Your Enemy,' and I obeyed him and loved myself. -Kahlil Gibran

Curt Sunshine
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Re: The Crying Game

Post by Curt Sunshine » 08 Apr 2015, 12:46

This is a great example of recognizing and respecting legitimate differences - like not letting the sound of someone's voice automatically make us judge that person. Personally, I find the denigration of "the Primary voice" to be incredibly sexist (since it implies only women who sound more like men should be respected), but I can't say that around many of my friends, since they see that voice as damaging to women in real ways.

It's okay to see things differently and to react differently in the same situations. Sometimes, things just are.
I see through my glass, darkly - as I play my saxophone in harmony with the other instruments in God's orchestra. (h/t Elder Joseph Wirthlin)

Even if people view many things differently, the core Gospel principles (LOVE; belief in the unseen but hoped; self-reflective change; symbolic cleansing; striving to recognize the will of the divine; never giving up) are universal.

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LookingHard
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Re: The Crying Game

Post by LookingHard » 08 Apr 2015, 13:56

DarkJedi wrote:I probably shouldn't say this, but I joke with my boys every time Pres. Eyring stands up to speak about how long it will take him to start crying (it averages less than two minutes on the ones I have timed). That's just the way he is
I will out do you. So you are talking about Henry B Crying? I actually noticed it once he was in the 1st presidency that almost every talk he is fighting it. My response was, "Oh crap, if he can't keep from crying then this isn't something I am going to grow or mature out of!!!!" Grrr.

nibbler
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Re: The Crying Game

Post by nibbler » 08 Apr 2015, 14:14

I can't say that I've ever seen someone turn on the waterworks in a purposely manipulative way over the pulpit. Outside the context of churchy things yes I've seen crying used for manipulative ends. Many times.

I have these nagging doubts though. Sometimes people use crying to manipulate other times they are completely unaware that that's what they are doing and I honestly have a very hard time distinguishing the two. I might think someone is trying to be manipulative but from their perspective they're just expressing true emotion.

I was a testimony crier, so I get it. Sharing well guarded personal thoughts and feelings can create lots of stress on our psyche.

I like the quote above about not assuming that crying is a sure fire indicator that someone is feeling the spirit. I think we jump to that conclusion too often.

When I was reading this http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/crying-w ... -authority the thought occurred to me. Perhaps we cry because we are really putting our neck out when sharing our innermost thoughts and are subconsciously worried that we'll be rejected by our tribe. Tears can cause the tribe to come to our aid, so they are a defense mechanism to ensure that our innermost thoughts aren't ostracizing us.

nibbler
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Re: The Crying Game

Post by nibbler » 08 Apr 2015, 14:19

LookingHard wrote:
DarkJedi wrote:I probably shouldn't say this, but I joke with my boys every time Pres. Eyring stands up to speak about how long it will take him to start crying (it averages less than two minutes on the ones I have timed). That's just the way he is
I will out do you. So you are talking about Henry B Crying? I actually noticed it once he was in the 1st presidency that almost every talk he is fighting it. My response was, "Oh crap, if he can't keep from crying then this isn't something I am going to grow or mature out of!!!!" Grrr.
That's the other thing. I would have assumed that people would grow accustomed to the feeling after a while. You cry the first few years but after a while putting yourself out there so often becomes second nature.

Like I said, I'm a testimony crier but I don't cry nearly as much as I used to. Only when relating deep personal things to people, things that don't have anything to do with religion and things I don't relate with great frequency.

Wanna stop crying? Do what I did. Die inside just a little bit. :angel:

Roadrunner
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Re: The Crying Game

Post by Roadrunner » 08 Apr 2015, 14:42

Sambee, I wish I had your problem. I have to speak fairly often in Sacrament meeting and try to remind myself I don't need to cry about the smallest emotional thing. For me if the talk is emotional I tend to get a little choked up. I think it's the anxiety that goes with public speaking mixed with talking about something emotional. At work I talk to groups of up to 100+ but of course never cry. I do want to be sincere but I dislike crying also but I rarely think poorly of someone who cries unless it comes across as fake.

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