Sexual "Articles of Faith" for LDS Marital Intimacy

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Roy
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Sexual "Articles of Faith" for LDS Marital Intimacy

Post by Roy » 21 Mar 2019, 13:01

I found the following on LDS Daily:
https://www.ldsdaily.com/home-and-famil ... -intimacy/

It is an article that references a 130+ page PDF that can be requested by writing an email to the email address provided in the article (also provided in the PDF itself in case an individual gets a copy of the document printed out from a friend). The authors of the PDF wish to remain anonymous and go by the pseudonym "Earthly Parents". They are an LDS married couple sharing what they would want their adult married children to know about marital intimacy. Too many LDS couples get married with very little sexual knowledge and may spend many years in a less than sexually fulfilling marriage due simply to not knowing any better.

The 7 titular articles of faith are as follows:
1 We believe sexuality is a good gift from our heavenly parents.

2 We believe married sex is for joy and bonding in addition to creating new mortal bodies for spirit children to inhabit.

3 We believe God has ordained sex for the married couple. Nobody else should be involved.

4 We believe sex is not a right to be demanded but a gift to be offered and received voluntarily.

5 We believe husbands and wives are individually responsible for expressing their own sexual desires and for caring for each other’s sexual needs.

6 We believe viewing pornography is forbidden.

7 We believe sex that unites a married couple in Christ is good and sex that divides a married couple is bad.

Most of the PDF (remember 130+ pages) is made up of the technical details of Marital Intimacy. It is very explicit and frank (in that it provides descriptions of the "how to" of sex acts using anatomically correct terms). A good portion of the material is a cross between Dr. Ruth and Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife (I noted that Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife is thanked in the PDF for reviewing the document in rough draft form and providing feedback). There is also a chapter dedicated to sexual dysfunctions or conditions that may need the assistance of medical professionals.

As a middle aged married man there was a number of things presented in the PDF that I did not know (or think about) before. I also appreciated that their treatment of oral sex was not in any way squimish or prejudicial. This can help to counterbalance the short lived TR question from the 1970's that indicated that it was a less than wholesome marital activity. We no longer ask the question but some may still assume the implications to hold true.

I appreciated that the tone of the PDF was free of shame, guilt, or embarrassment of any kind.

I feel that it is helpful for orthodox LDS couples to have a friendly source to get their questions answered, to help learn about their spouse's body and sexual responses (and their own), and lastly just to help them know that to be a sexual being is normal and healthy.

[moderator note: I have tried hard to walk the line of what is appropriate for this forum ("No explicit sexual discussions"). I would appreciate if any comments to follow would do likewise]
"It is not so much the pain and suffering of life which crushes the individual as it is its meaninglessness and hopelessness." C. A. Elwood

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nibbler
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Re: Sexual "Articles of Faith" for LDS Marital Intimacy

Post by nibbler » 21 Mar 2019, 18:08

3 We believe God has ordained sex for the married couple. Nobody else should be involved.
Funny, coming from a group of people that wrote a 130+ page document on sex. ;)

I haven't read the full document, and I know it's from a LDS perspective, but lots of those articles feel like they shoehorn god, Christ, and religious purposes into to the article. Maybe it's a know your audience thing, they're trying to appeal to members, and including language like that helps to retain attention.

Take #7 for instance. Why can't it be "We believe sex that unites a married couple is good and sex that divides a married couple is bad." Sure, it's a Moroni 7:12-esque statement, good is good and bad is bad, deep thoughts. It's just weird to me personally when they add that "...in Christ." Is unity not enough? It has to be united in Christ specifically?

Not to be too pedantic about it, but:
1) What of people that aren't Christian? Is sex not good for them?
2) Once you add that "...in Christ" you invite a lot of baggage into the equation for some people. Would Christ approve of this? And for some the answer is going to skew towards a boring, prudish sex life.

I really don't mean to come down on what they're trying to accomplish. I don't mean to be the critic. I appreciate what they're doing. Again, it's probably a know your author and know your audience thing. Members writing helpful advice for other members.

nibbler
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Re: Sexual "Articles of Faith" for LDS Marital Intimacy

Post by nibbler » 21 Mar 2019, 18:15

Roy wrote:
21 Mar 2019, 13:01
I feel that it is helpful for orthodox LDS couples to have a friendly source to get their questions answered, to help learn about their spouse's body and sexual responses (and their own), and lastly just to help them know that to be a sexual being is normal and healthy.
I missed this comment. Yeah, sounds like it would be a good resource for that.

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dande48
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Re: Sexual "Articles of Faith" for LDS Marital Intimacy

Post by dande48 » 22 Mar 2019, 06:32

Roy wrote:
21 Mar 2019, 13:01
[moderator note: I have tried hard to walk the line of what is appropriate for this forum ("No explicit sexual discussions"). I would appreciate if any comments to follow would do likewise]
This "note" stood out to me. I think there's a similar "note" tagged on to our Church meetings, which has caused a lot of the difficulty surrounding LDS sexuality. We tend to tip-toe around the discussion. With teenagers, in discussing it the answer is "no", "never", "don't even think about it". For adults, everyone is largely quiet on the subject. When it's spoken about, it's done in largely vague terms, if at all. Unless it's dealing with pornography, which is focused heavily on shaming and "don't do it". Not very effective, since porn on some level shows up just about everywhere, in places you don't expect. I wish there was more openness about it, and a greater focus on recovery from it.

Sex is still a bit of a taboo subject, especially going into the details. I think most people are afraid if we were open about it, we would also become more willing to "sexually express" ourselves outside the bonds of marriage, or become sexually obsessed. But I wonder if that's really the case.

Anyways, good read! Thanks for sharing.
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SamBee
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Re: Sexual "Articles of Faith" for LDS Marital Intimacy

Post by SamBee » 22 Mar 2019, 07:06

This has me puzzled because I do and don't want to look at it. I can't really imagine someone hefting this tome up to bed with them come wedding night, and reading it. It would be a passion killer. (And yet reading it pre-marriage is a no-no).

The question for me is what is forbidden - adultery, fornication and homosexual acts go without saying - but certain other things? I'm sure my ideas of what they permit and don't permit don't completely coincide with theirs.

It's like playing cards. Some leaders have condemned them in the past, but now the church seems okay with them. I know they can be used for fortune telling, but so can bits of food or patterns in the sky and we're not forbidden to look at them. I'm sure some saints condemn cards to this day, but others won't.
DASH1730 "An Area Authority...[was] asked...who...would go to the Telestial kingdom. His answer: "murderers, adulterers and a lot of surprised Mormons!"'
1ST PRES 1978 "[LDS] believe...there is truth in many religions and philosophies...good and great religious leaders... have raised the spiritual, moral, and ethical awareness of their people. When we speak of The [LDS] as the only true church...it is...authorized to administer the ordinances...by Jesus Christ... we do not mean... it is the only teacher of truth."

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dande48
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Re: Sexual "Articles of Faith" for LDS Marital Intimacy

Post by dande48 » 22 Mar 2019, 09:43

SamBee wrote:
22 Mar 2019, 07:06
This has me puzzled because I do and don't want to look at it. I can't really imagine someone hefting this tome up to bed with them come wedding night, and reading it.
I read a similar LDS Book, about a week before I was married. It was a life saver. I wish my wife had read it too. One of the best pieces of advice it gave me was, on the wedding night, "No Expectations". I told my wife about it, and she laughed and said she only had one expectation for that night. Turns out, it was very good advice. I was still a virgin 3 weeks after our honeymoon. (Another piece of advice my wife wouldn't go for: Wait 2-3 months after marriage to go on your honeymoon.)

I think too many LDS go into marriage, completely unprepared. I guess I can't compare my experiences to anyone else's, but having such a book to go over and explain the more explicit details (from an LDS professional's perspective) was a great help.
"The whole world is a comedy to those that think, a tragedy to those that feel." - Horace Walpole

"Even though there are no ways of knowing for sure, there are ways of knowing for pretty sure."
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SamBee
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Re: Sexual "Articles of Faith" for LDS Marital Intimacy

Post by SamBee » 22 Mar 2019, 17:12

I'm told, and I have no experience of this, that the wedding night is a bad time to have intimate relations for the first time. I think for many couples, it is a long day, they're tired, and full of food.
DASH1730 "An Area Authority...[was] asked...who...would go to the Telestial kingdom. His answer: "murderers, adulterers and a lot of surprised Mormons!"'
1ST PRES 1978 "[LDS] believe...there is truth in many religions and philosophies...good and great religious leaders... have raised the spiritual, moral, and ethical awareness of their people. When we speak of The [LDS] as the only true church...it is...authorized to administer the ordinances...by Jesus Christ... we do not mean... it is the only teacher of truth."

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dande48
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Re: Sexual "Articles of Faith" for LDS Marital Intimacy

Post by dande48 » 23 Mar 2019, 09:42

SamBee wrote:
22 Mar 2019, 17:12
I'm told, and I have no experience of this, that the wedding night is a bad time to have intimate relations for the first time. I think for many couples, it is a long day, they're tired, and full of food.
Haha, yeah... TBH, a wedding feels like the absoute worst way to begin a marriage.
"The whole world is a comedy to those that think, a tragedy to those that feel." - Horace Walpole

"Even though there are no ways of knowing for sure, there are ways of knowing for pretty sure."
-Lemony Snicket

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LookingHard
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Re: Sexual "Articles of Faith" for LDS Marital Intimacy

Post by LookingHard » 23 Mar 2019, 11:36

I have heard some say that it would be good if the church allowed people to get married civilly, then within a few days get sealed - maybe even go to the temple for the first time after the marriage. It is just so much pressure in one day and that pressure can get the marriage off to a bad start.

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SamBee
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Re: Sexual "Articles of Faith" for LDS Marital Intimacy

Post by SamBee » 23 Mar 2019, 11:51

LookingHard wrote:
23 Mar 2019, 11:36
I have heard some say that it would be good if the church allowed people to get married civilly, then within a few days get sealed - maybe even go to the temple for the first time after the marriage. It is just so much pressure in one day and that pressure can get the marriage off to a bad start.
This is the case in some parts of the world. French marriages all have to be performed civilly.
DASH1730 "An Area Authority...[was] asked...who...would go to the Telestial kingdom. His answer: "murderers, adulterers and a lot of surprised Mormons!"'
1ST PRES 1978 "[LDS] believe...there is truth in many religions and philosophies...good and great religious leaders... have raised the spiritual, moral, and ethical awareness of their people. When we speak of The [LDS] as the only true church...it is...authorized to administer the ordinances...by Jesus Christ... we do not mean... it is the only teacher of truth."

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