You're not addicted

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gospeltangents
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You're not addicted

Post by gospeltangents » 25 Sep 2017, 16:40

BYU study says the problem with porn use is the stigma, not the actual usage. Porn's bad for relationships because the church says it is, and labeling anyone who has looked at it as an addict is not helpful. Short 5 min story with transcript is at http://kuer.org/post/religious-communit ... n#stream/0
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Beefster
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Re: You're not addicted

Post by Beefster » 25 Sep 2017, 17:31

That's a great article. It makes me feel so much better about myself as a person who isn't quite addicted to porn, but is somewhat compulsive with it. It's hairsplitting for sure, but I don't like the label "addict" even when some degree of addiction is present.

I'm dying to give a talk or lesson on pornography so I can bring this kind of thing up. I want to say something like "I struggle with porn, and at least a quarter of the guys in this ward do too. Get over it. Let's talk about it. Let's get it out in the open. Let's stop making it a point of shame and secrecy, because in doing so, we are making the problem worse. Yes, porn can be damaging and destructive, but only if we let it fester in shame and secrecy. I'm not saying it's morally okay to look at porn, but you are going to be okay if it's a problem for you."
Boys are governed by rules. Men are governed by principles.

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dande48
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Re: You're not addicted

Post by dande48 » 25 Sep 2017, 18:29

gospeltangents wrote:
25 Sep 2017, 16:40
Porn's bad for relationships because the church says it is, and labeling anyone who has looked at it as an addict is not helpful.
Disagree with the first part, agree with the second. I no longer by into the "because the Church has said so" mentality. But Porn has been shown conclusively to be bad, both for relationships, and for a person's psychophysiological health. Anytime a person, like Paul, feels, "For what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I." signifies an unhealthy loss of self control.

It is an addiction, but I do not like the term "addict". It defines a person by an action from which they want to disassociate themselves.
"Sir, it's quite possible this asteroid is not entirely stable." - C-3PO

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LookingHard
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Re: You're not addicted

Post by LookingHard » 25 Sep 2017, 18:44

I do think that porn CAN be bad for a relationship. But I think I would agree with the study and would say that the BIGGER issue CAN be that feeling so bad about it will harm any relationship. Also the secrecy can harm a relationship.

I just heard of a podcast that an LDS couple that the wife has accepted that her husband will look at porn a bit and she has come to be kind of OK with that. The husband was suicidal about the issue until he finally just said he couldn't fight it and confessed to his wife that he probably wouldn't be able to stop. It was very interesting.

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SamBee
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Re: You're not addicted

Post by SamBee » 26 Sep 2017, 04:00

Genuine p addiction exists. A friend of miy parents was a bookseller and use to buy up libraries. Well, one day he got invited to look at a dead man's library and it was massive and consisted of p. That is addiction.

Here are a few of the issues -
* Give you unrealistic expectations of the act and people's bodies.
* Will lead you on to stronger and stranger things which will affect you otherwise.
* Will eat up your time and possibly your money.
* Finances some very evil people.
DASH1730 "An Area Authority...[was] asked...who...would go to the Telestial kingdom. His answer: "murderers, adulterers and a lot of surprised Mormons!"'
1ST PRES 1978 "[LDS] believe...there is truth in many religions and philosophies...good and great religious leaders... have raised the spiritual, moral, and ethical awareness of their people. When we speak of The [LDS] as the only true church...it is...authorized to administer the ordinances...by Jesus Christ... we do not mean... it is the only teacher of truth."

Roadrunner
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Re: You're not addicted

Post by Roadrunner » 26 Sep 2017, 07:09

Beefster wrote:
25 Sep 2017, 17:31
at least a quarter of the guys in this ward do too.
My experience in my local area and family is that that more like 90% of guys do and 60% of girls do. I'd bet that if you look up on the stand at ward or stake conference the majority of the men sitting there hide it. Virtually every young man in the church struggles with it, which is not pleasant to think about as you take the sacrament each week.

Psychologists I've spoken to say that porn doesn't fit the traditional medical definition of "addiction" but that some behaviors are similar to addiction. I don't know enough to say whether it meets the technical addiction but it seems to drive almost uncontrollable compulsion to view it. That being said, I don't think it has quite the same degree of negative consequences as say drug addiction. Maybe it does and I just don't know it...

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gospeltangents
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Re: You're not addicted

Post by gospeltangents » 26 Sep 2017, 12:01

Genuine p addiction exists
Of course, but most Mormons are not addicted to porn. In order to be addicted, it is much more severe than simply looking at it once/week. It has to be so habitual that it is causing problems with your job, you get arrested, or something like that. That doesn't describe most Mormons.
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Roy
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Re: You're not addicted

Post by Roy » 26 Sep 2017, 15:59

I agree that the word addiction is overused. Am I addicted to video games, TV, eating out, or soda? In addition, My sexual clock is set to about once every three days (I understand that to be fairly average). Therefore sexual intimacy in my marriage is about a twice a week thing. I have not tried to stop but I imagine that I would have severe difficulty doing so. Am I a sexual addict?

Unfortunately bishops are still referring YM to the addiction recovery program for P and M use 1 to 3 times per week. Why would this young person be an addict and I not?
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LookingHard
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Re: You're not addicted

Post by LookingHard » 26 Sep 2017, 18:13

Roy wrote:
26 Sep 2017, 15:59
Why would this young person be an addict and I not?
Because if you were told you couldn't do it at all, you might just walk away from the church.

AmyJ
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Re: You're not addicted

Post by AmyJ » 27 Sep 2017, 07:28

Roadrunner wrote:
26 Sep 2017, 07:09

My experience in my local area and family is that that more like 90% of guys do and 60% of girls do. I'd bet that if you look up on the stand at ward or stake conference the majority of the men sitting there hide it. Virtually every young man in the church struggles with it, which is not pleasant to think about as you take the sacrament each week.
I agree. I wish I knew what to tell our youth/young adults. I wound up having a frank conversation about this statistic with my YSA sister a few years ago when she was getting married, and I am not sure she believed me. I think that some of the marriage problems we are seeing is because of this circumstance - we candy coat/hide the behaviors and then leave it up to people to deal with the fallout of those choices in their choices towards themselves, their relationships, and in counseling.
Roadrunner wrote:
26 Sep 2017, 07:09
Psychologists I've spoken to say that porn doesn't fit the traditional medical definition of "addiction" but that some behaviors are similar to addiction. I don't know enough to say whether it meets the technical addiction but it seems to drive almost uncontrollable compulsion to view it. That being said, I don't think it has quite the same degree of negative consequences as say drug addiction. Maybe it does and I just don't know it...
I think that there is an addiction component to this topic. However, while I have thought about it a lot, I haven't figured out where the line between normal and addiction is yet.

I do know that there are negative consequences to p. I can see where it can contribute to marriage issues - especially where lying is involved. I can see where it can be blown out of proportion and divide spouses further. I can see where the resources (time, money, emotional) spent on p can be detrimental to the family.

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