This one is simply about how Narcissists feed their spirit (admiration from others, controlling others, hurting them, provoking positive and negative emotions through manipulation, all for acquiring a sense of power). To me, it is the antithesis of god-like means of improving spirituality. And it was very empowering to read it as these hard-to-understand narcissistic people became clearly understandable.. I was able to understand how Narcissists think, how to make sense of their seemingly nonsensical behavior, and by implication, how to recognize a Narcissist before he or she picks me as a victim. I was able to understand so many behaviors from the 3 narcissists (I remembered a third one, of lesser annoyance) in my life that left me bewildered at the time. Also, what to expect when you stop giving a narcissist fuel (narcissistic supply).
A very interesting piece was how the narcissist spends a typical day, how he or she values sources of fuel ranging from positive admiration and service from acquaintances (a lower grade source of fuel), to potent sources of fuel from people with whom they have a close relationship. Surprising to me was their attitude toward people they have discarded (in the seduction, devaluation, discarding phases of relationships from which they extract supply). These people provide the most potent sources of supply for this particular narcissist...to have these people come back for more after being discarded is very rewarding for him.
Here is a typical day in the life of a narcissist. Sources of Postive Fuel (PF) and Negative Fuel (NF) are given. Later in the book he assigns a points value based on the closeness of the relationship with the target person, and the kind of fuel given, But this gives an idea of how this particular narcissist interacts with his wife or girlfriend..
You cuddle me (PF) as I pretend to sleep so I do not respond to your affection (NF). I wait until you have gone downstairs and check my mobile ‘phone. There are several messages from a potential target that I am engaged in a text message flirtation with (PF). I send her a reply and there is an instant response (PF). I go downstairs and you greet me asking if I slept well (PF). I complain that the pillows you have recently bought are too soft and you agree to get me some harder ones (PF). You ask me what I have planned at work (PF). You ask me to get some dry cleaning after work but I refuse and explain I have an existing engagement (PF). I can see my refusal has irked you along with my refusal to explain what my engagement is (NF). You agree to collect the dry cleaning and attend to clearing away the dishes (PF). I return upstairs and check my phone to find another message from the prospect (PF). I check my e-mails and find there is one thanking me for a deal I have closed (PF) a further one which shows my billing to be the highest for the year to date (PF) and I append this chart to an e-mail to a competitor with a suitable bragging post (NF). I get dressed and admire my appearance in the mirror. I take a picture and sent it to the prospect that immediately responds with a complimentary comment (PF). (I am not even out of the house yet and have already harvested fifteen different instances of fuel) I have left the bathroom a mess and I have deliberately placed a damp towel on the bed as I know this irritates you (NF). I head downstairs and kiss you good-bye, although I opt to kiss you on the cheek rather than the mouth because I can choose to do this (PF) (No negative fuel as you did not react to negatively to me choosing your cheek instead). I get in my car and call a friend to organise a drink later in the week. I spend the first ten minutes of the conversation declaring how well I am doing at work and he responds with compliments to this (PF). I repeatedly block his attempts to tell me his news. His frustration shows in his response. (NF). As I pull up at some traffic lights I notice the young driver next to me admiring my car and he gives me a thumbs up (PF). I overtake several cars on my way to the office (PF) and cut one driver up. I see him angrily gesticulate at me from his less expensive car and I laugh in response (NF).
On arrival at the office my secretary has a cup of tea waiting for me (PF). During the day I secure a new deal which draws praise from my boss (PF), spread a few lies about a competitor and later overhear him complaining about them although he has no spread a few lies about a competitor and later overhear him complaining about them although he has no idea where they came from.
A secretary I have not seen before smiles at me (PF). I stop by and chat to her for a while and she is clearly flirting with me (PF). I dress down a junior employee on a flimsy basis and he looks crestfallen (NF). I receive two text messages from you about dinner but I ignore them which I know will make you feel dejected (NF) and I continue with a few flirtatious texts with the new prospect (PF). I land a load of work on a junior employee’s desk. She starts to complain but I put her in her place (NF). I attend the gym at lunchtime and am met with several admiring glances from male and female attendees as I work our (PF). I return to the office and remark how out of shape a colleague is looking which leaves him fuming since I walk away before he is able to respond with his own explanation (NF). I telephone you three times and you do not answer so I leave you a nasty voicemail (NF). You ring me back and I have a go at you as you try to apologise (NF) and then I hang up on you (NF). You call me twice but I ignore the calls (NF) and I also ignore your text messages (NF).
I circulate a congratulatory e-mail I have received from a client and receive several responses acknowledging my achievement (PF). I secure petty cash to pay for my drinks this evening even though it has nothing to do with work and the look my secretary gives me as she hands me the cash confirms she knows this to be the case but she knows better than to complain (PF). You telephone me and I cut your call off straight away (NF). I go to a bar straight from work and whilst I am waiting for a female friend I chat-up the bargirl. She is responsive to my overtures and gives me her number (PF).
I sit and flirt with my female friend (PF) and spend my time explaining how hard my home life is despite all the things that I do because of the way you treat me. She laps it up and is most sympathetic (PF). She asks to meet me next week and I agree. (PF). You call me twice but I deliberately do not answer. (NF). I catch a taxi home and on the way tell a junior employee to head back to work to deliver my car to my house even though he is busy with his family (NF). I accuse the taxi driver of taking the wrong route. He argues back so I don’t give him the full fare and take his licence details. (NF). I enter the house and you politely ask where I have been. I regard this as an unnecessary attack so I provoke an argument (NF). I ensconce myself in the study where I engage in some online flirtation (PF). You come to see me to smooth matters over but I provoke another argument, which makes you cry (NF). I continue with my online antics and sign up to a dating site to punish you for arguing with me (PF). I hear you head for bed and I decide to watch some pornographic videos turning the volume up in the hope you will hear (NF) before I noisily head to the spare room so you know that I have decided to sleep in there rather than with you. (NF)
There we are. You should have counted fifty-four different instances of fuel, of different types, some positive and some negative and from different sources. Truth be told, I was not even trying too hard to harvest all of that either.